BPDFamily.com

I spent 18 years with my now 62 year old uBPDexbf.  He stormed out in December and into the arms of a 23 year old.  How do I get past wondering what the hell is wrong with me for staying with him for 18 years?

I still struggle with it, but mostly I try and remember I can't change it now, I can only learn from it, and the more time I spend beating myself up, the more time I'm wasting and the more I'll have to regret later. (ie. why did I spend 3 months beating myself up!)

Forgive yourself, move on, and focus on making the rest of your life as good as you can

I am not saying this is "you" but what I am saying is what *I* have seen / experienced.

People stay in bad relationships because they don't want to be alone.

People stay in abusive relationships because they are abused, and feel like they have to stay; for a host of reasons.

"For the kids"

"It's the right thing to do"

"It's not _____ fault"

"I am 50% of this"

"I am honoring my vows".

And the list goes on.

At the end of the day, and abused man/woman will make up excuses for staying because that is how the abuser has them programmed.


I was just talking to a young lady I work with a couple of nights ago, and told her:

I have ALWAYS preached it's better to be alone, than in a bad relationship... .and was shoulders high in abuse... .man did *I* look like an idiot when I said that... .anyway... .it's better to be alone, than in a bad relationship.

Now that I am 10 months post divorce, YES it is better to be alone than with a monster BUT "the habit" of having even a monster around is still there. After 25 years, that habit will not break fast unless I practice changing my thoughts, and put something GOOD in it's place.

Right now I am house hunting in Fla (I live in IN) and am planning to move in a couple months to start a new chapter of my Life!

It took me a long time to get where I am... .and I still have so far to go.

But it's a marathon, not a sprint.

I will get there.

I am strong, I am a fighter, I will be Victorious!