BPDFamily.com

So we broke up around late October and there have been two indirect contacts on her part to which I didn't respond. She briefly got with her fan ex after me as a replacement but that went by the way side.

Anyhow I have remained non contact throughout and even though she was lurking around Facebook via a friend (I blocked her and we were not Facebook friends) and tried to make contact via a friends girlfriend - clearly as had started dating a girl at that time and she picked this up.

On Friday I past her car as she lives only 3 miles away and it was being driven by a guy - obviously the new flame as she is telling the world apparently that she has found her soulmate and is in a beautiful place! To be honest as I had seen the new guy in her car I just went home and unblocked her on Facebook as I had nothing to lose really as I had already seen the guy in her car.

Anyhow this new relationship (clearly she is in idealisation phase) is quite new - a couple of months maximum. Last night it transpired that she must have picked up I had unblocked her on FB and she had as a result blocked me! The new guy is not on FB and my ex loves FB... .Now today she has unblocked me... .

Would appreciate any views on this - in other words the blocking and unblocking... .why bother if she is with her new soulmate?

Your call, but sometimes things are better left unsaid, unseen and unspoken. I have gone NC, have seen a pic of her and the new guy and Im stuck having to see her a few times aweek as she coaches my son. It is what it is man. I would just disappear off her radar and go live my live. But thats just me.

I am sorry that you are wrestling with this. Good that you recognize what might be more BPD behavior in her new relationship.

You know her better than anyone on these boards, so what do you make of the blocking & unblocking?

What do you mean by you had nothing to lose so you unblocked her on Facebook? What was your original reason for blocking her, and does that have something to do with your having nothing to lose comment?

Again, sorry that you are dealing with this while trying to heal.

Thanks Mike... .I guess what I meant by nothing to lose was that I had seen her new guy in the car so by unblocking her on Facebook and looking at her profile nothing else was really going to hurt. I blocked her originally back in ,November as I did it for me as I wanted to protect myself. I have "rejected" her twice - once in December when she saw me in my car and texted me an insane comment and once in mid February when she made indirect contact with a friends girlfriend as i had started seeing someone just on a friendship basis. I just don't understand the quick block him and then a day later unblock me. She's clearly idealising her new man - is she becoming indifferent? Is it to make me jealous? Is it to show I'm a future option? It's just made me think that's all.

I see. Thanks for the reply. I understand the use of NC to protect oneself while sorting through the FOG and all of the other chaotic emotions during the separation/breakup and working to detach. Are you still feeling attached?

It is very difficult to say why she might have done these things because people living with BPD tend to be impulsive and depending on the severity, mental state at the time, defense mechanisms at play, etc. they could have rational or irrational reasons for doing things.

What if she did it to... .show that she is becoming indifferent... .to make you jealous... .to show that you are a future option?  Are you wrestling with how you can be indifferent to all of this, that is, seeing the guy driving her car, her behavior on facebook, etc.?

Confused, I understand that you didn't feel you had anything to lose, but I'm curiously what you felt you had to gain by unblocking her.

When I finally ended it with my Ex, I wish I had unfriended her from FB to make it more difficult for her to get in touch with me, but now I'd just rather let sleeping dogs lie; I don't dare trigger her to get in touch with me. After 20 days of NC, she hasn't tried to contact me, but judging from this board, it's only a matter of time.