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Title: resolution Post by: ogopogodude on April 20, 2015, 08:50:26 PM we here on these forums know quite well that mediation with a BPD, is like trying to teach a chimpanzee to solve a quadratic formula problem. Mediation worked out for me and my ex. It didn't keep us out of court, but we settled in mediation. You are soo lucky to have settled. This is what I so desperately want: resolution. I verbally said to my ex that she can have the house, ... . "take it, ... . you can have it and everything in it" ... . But all she said was she wants only ONE thing: "me". As flattering as this may seem to others, ... . really want she is trying to obtain is her "prey" once again like she once had in the past, so she has somebody to torment relentlessly, Much like a cat playing with a mouse. Title: Re: resolution Post by: ugghh on April 23, 2015, 01:09:29 PM Your post reminds me of a word my counselor brought up to describe my uBPDw (now ex) - her condition is chronic.
What you need to understand is that the first order of business is taking care of yourself. No matter what you offer her will never be enough. Stop offering anything. After a 26 year marriage as we neared the end it was amazing how empowered I began to feel at the end . When she would begin her normal verbal assault and circular arguments, I simply removed myself from the house. I would go visit a friend, go to the coffee shop, go for a drive and take a nap in the parking lot. Slowly I learned to stop letting her push my buttons. The divorce was finalized about 10 months ago and her emails have slowed down to one about every 2 -3 weeks. My response is always the same - I don't respond. The BPD only has power over the non insomuch as we give it to them. Once we stop, they become the emperor with no clothes. Title: Re: resolution Post by: maxen on April 24, 2015, 08:19:58 AM i thought of doing mediation at first, but i'm very happy i didn't. merely dealing with her directly would have been an intolerable trigger, and there's every chance i would have been outdone (i was very non-ish then).
i got the best possible deal, and i'm the one who set the terms, so that's satisfying. but my lawyer handled the situation brilliantly and her value in the first instance was as a barrier: i could set my terms and pace without the trigger of dealing with the other party. since she's your ex now, ogopogo, can you sever contact? what she wants isn't your concern anymore. |