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What did your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife say when they left?

A text

"Thank you for flowers and candy (it happened right after she got sick and I sent her flowers). It wasn't necessary but certainly appreciated. I'm such a lucky girl to have such a good FRIEND. I'm 100% better now *smilie face*"

And she was gone. Awesome, huh?

wow which time? there was once i came home from work and the everything was gone  nota word  nothin   clueless

Uh I mean she said a ton of things.

"IM DONE WITH YOU"

"I'm glad I made the decision to eliminate you from my life"

"You're clingy, overbearing, immature, jokes you think are funny are just inappropriate,etc."

Lots of vitriol indeed.

What was actually said is something even now i dont like talking about.  It was as cruel. as it gets and it shook my foundation and put me in a very dark place that I still am not sure how I got through.  But if not for people who loved me I may not have gotten throufh it.

This very last time we had what I thought was a very insignificant disagreement at a restaurant. I had kept giving into her demands and I expressed my strong opinion on where I stood. She was quite the rest of the night. I dropped her off where her kids were staying, she slammed the door and walked off without saying a word. I sat in the car pondering what I should do, I got out and went to knock on door and as always i was ready to give in. She wouldnt answer. Within 10 minutes 2 cop cars arrived. After about 30 minutes of explaining they advised me to leave. I picked up phone and there was her message. "I am Done!"

"Good friend"--those two words paired together and spoken by a woman give me chills. Did she offer any further explanation?

Nothing. I had one last conversation with my now ex, where I laid out everything and told her I loved her. I told her how her needs and wants had been the primary focus for the both of us for so long and our relationship wasn't working. I pointed out to her that I really feel that if we both work on a more balanced reciprocating relationship we could be the happiest couple ever. I pointed out how she herself was resistant to change, but in reality, what was there to lose? She herself admitted to following the same pattern that got her divorced prior to meeting me. And I was met with 100% agreement, and lucid understanding of everything I said. And her ultimate response was, I don't think I'm going to change anything about myself.

So I broke up with her. She wouldn't stop texting me to say "are you ok" etc, despite me asking her please I need some space. So I changed my number and blocked all contact.

The final thing she said was she showed up at my house 3 days later hysterically crying when she realized I blocked her number. This despite the fact she was hanging out the night after I last talked to her with a guy she cheated on me with a year earlier. But she was still the victim. How could I do this to her? etc. She loves me! She needs me! And I looked at her and said "if you love me than you will work on our relationship. No guarantee of success, but you'll be willing to try" Incredibly she again said she wasn't changing. So I asked her to leave and that was that. Done.

I wrote my own ending to this in large part BECAUSE OF ALL OF YOU. And the things I read about and learned here. I had done so freaking much for her, it was time to be assertive and tell her what I needed from this for once. And predictably she didn't care. I know where it was headed and I decided to save my dignity by opting out. And I owe that strategic move to all of you.

I'm positive she must have moved on by now (4 months) but I don't care. Each day I'm away from that relationship is a day I thank god for dodging a bullet. She didn't get the best of me. Being assertive, finding some self respect and enforcing a boundary was my saving grace.

We had actually just went to the movie theater and I was feeling incredibly anxious (due to the mental hell that I had been living in). She asked me what was wrong, and I told her that I was feeling incredibly anxious, then she asked me if I was happy and I said no (probably the first time in the last 5 months of the relationship that I was honest with her about my own feelings.)

She wanted to talk about it, and I agreed. So we sat down on a bench in a square near the theater, and she just started crying hysterically, saying that she thought we should break up and that for the past 8 months she had thought about killing herself everyday. I was just like, alright, and after a little anger I had to walk away and compose myself.

After we parted ways she called me, asking if I was alright, then proceeded to wait on the other end of the phone for 45 minutes in pure silence. Then, the texting ensued. I never meant to hurt you; I was causing you too much pain; I just can't love you the way you love me; I want us to be best friends; You're the only one that understands me; I've never felt so close to anyone before.

Nothing unusual, for a pwBPD.

Basically, out of the blue, with no real

indication of conversations beforehand. We had actually just gotten back home from a really great trip.

Oh well!

I got:

"I want peace in my life.  You don't give me peace"

All she did was drum up / want drama. This comment when we were starting to get really close and her exNPDh was quieting down and we were talking of moving in together. She increased the push / pull and I simply / finally put my foot down and said I won't be treated that way.

Yeah ... . "Peace" indeed.

I was asking her, if everything is okay (I asked her often if everything is okay in the last months of our RS, I was walking on eggshells) and she anwered. "No, I met someone else. It's over." 

Well... .mine was cheating on me. I had no clue. We were not in turmoil or anything. It was two weeks before Christmas.

She came home from work one night smoking (she supposedly had quit a year before, but that obviously was a lie, too), and just announced that she was leaving me.

I had an inkling that there was someone else and she steadfastly denied it.

She explained that: "I could stay here, but I want to be out there." Of course she was already firmly implanted in a new relationship, with no danger of being on her own, not even for a nanosecond.

She packed some clothes, and ran out of our home to "her father's house"... .yeah, right!

I was left confused and upset, packing her belongings, feeding her cats and putting a Christmas tree up by myself. Totally shell-shocked.

It got a lot worse from there forward.   Brutal stuff.

there was a great deal of distance on her end for a week or two that i didnt notice until the last couple of days, at which point i became extremely anxious. i caught her in a lie and confronted her over the phone. we just tried to yell over each other until she hung up on me. i called several times and left around three messages (pwBPD are not the only ones who can display a frantic attempt to avoid abandonment  ) and then a facebook message at which point she called back. at some point it occurred to me, and i asked her, if she had been thinking about breaking up with me to which she said yes. i took on all of the blame, and bargained a lot. it didnt change her mind. to an outsider it seemed like an amicable breakup, and it kind of was, except when pressed, she refused to say "yes. we are broken up.". that drove me nuts for the next three days or so, obsessively replaying the conversation in my head, trying to decide if indeed she had broken up with me. it was clear she wanted to break up, but i think there are obvious reasons why it was kind of ambiguous.

after those three days with zero contact, i made the decision that indeed she had broken up with me and decided to respect it. i removed my relationship status on facebook all together. couple of hours later, the new guy was thrown at me. in retrospect, hed been waiting in the wings for a month or two and there were obscure signs. what i was able to add up would be the length of an essay and im thankful that i was able to make things clear, at least with respect to BPD, in hindsight. around a week later they were official and she deleted me, friends and family.

He said, "You are a f&%*ing b*#ch.  I am scared of you" (Said with rage and not one ounce of fear or angst)

I said, ":)o you really feel that way?"

He said, "YES!"

I said, "Then leaving me should be easy.  You can go find someone better that makes you happy"

And then he "If you would just change, things would be fine"

It wasn't for a few month until I learned that he (62 years old) immediately ran into the arms of a 23 year old that he had been having an emotional relationship with for over half a year (he had fixed her up with his nephew originally).  She had been pursuing him.

So I see a lot of similarities. The week before my situation abruptly ended there was a lot of distance, more than ever before. She started cancelling plans, delaying her replies to text messages and then she called me at the end of the week. "You don't chase me enough," "You make me feel needy and annoying," "I feel like we communicate differently." She was with someone else within two weeks, and probably during the first week she started to pull away.

Three months later, I'm still wondering what in the hell was motivating her words on the phone. I guess can't know for sure. 

I don't remember.

Do any of you guys encounter amnesia in regards to the final cutoff.

I remember my emotions of bewilderment. Feeling like our whole 6 1/2 month relationship was an act. She probably said the common cliches such as "I can't love you the way that you deserve", "I'm f'ed up", "we never had a deep connection", and "don't feel a spark anymore", lol.

I think I remember more my own emotions now. The ruminations, the pain and bewilderment.

I had death by text. A couple of times I didn't come to hers and stay over because it hadn't been mentioned beforehand. Those translated into a giant slight on my behalf (abandonment). After that I kept my distance and we gradually slipped away. Don't know if it was still recoverable, but I couldn't face apologizing for something I hadn't done in order to stay in a relationship with someone who was likely to blow up again at any moment! 

Ummmm, now that you have all your stuff back you have no reason to ever contact me again, that means by facebook, phone and email do you understand?

While smirking at me and laughing just like she did when we first got together (the flirting stage), this was straight after asking how my family was and that she was looking at pictures of us with her kids and that her 3 year old misses me, and yes this was said to my face, explain that one. 

Via text: "It's over. Don't waste another second thinking about me "

Another text after we saw each other a few weeks later and shared an incredible night of intimacy and sex (just like in the beginning) "I can't be with you. Don't waste any time thinking about that. Take care for now... ."

i got word today my feer was true again   another duesh bag is here  oh boy! less then 2 weeks   i dont get it  mindgame  idk    i reely think is the end this time     theropist told me today stop worrieng she will be back like always  she needs you   however her last texts were new words this time    something is diffrent here not her norm   goodbye forever   i dont need u anymore that one hurt    u have lost ur family forever    thats new for her   so i said ef it   whats guna happn is gunna happen  if she comes back   im much stronger now

All stupid stuff

We don't have anything in common   (BS!  We had a lot in common)

Our personalities just don't mesh  (Yeah cuz I would call him on his BS and he didn't like it)

We just aren't meant to be

I am not in love with you anymore

Life with you was just too stressful

I am a great person with amazing qualities, he is just not the man for me.  GAG    I told him that was the darn truth!

Ouch!   Such behaviour perpetrates the myth that 'all men are b**tards'.  Hope he's firmly consigned to the trash can of history now Missy. 

Hey FannnyB thanks. Certainly makes you feel that way but know this isn't true really.  I'm going NC now... .the last time made me realise (finally) the control he had... .it's hard because the sexual chemistry and in those 'moments' the intimacy too was SO strong but eventually it will be worth it. I hope. The 'for now' made me wonder for days 'will he check in at some point' now I realise that's a hook... .


This site is a life saver   

Yeah, 'for now' signified he wanted to keep his options open for sure. Suppose you can't blame them as they like to keep the supply lines running!   However, it takes two to tango, and you're gonna pass on this dysfunctional dance from now on!  |iiii

He said if he married me he would end up committing suicide within a few years.  Then he said incredibly cruel things about me that I had never heard before. 

FannyB - I burned my dancing shoes  |iiii  lol

 :) Good girl - you gotta try and see the funny side, as the alternative doesn't bear thinking about. His loss - most certainly not yours! 

After selling all of her furniture and moving in, three months later I go on a 2 day work trip. Without any arguments or disagreements prior (we NEVER argued) I received the following text the next afternoon:

"Our relationship is over... .I have moved out... .don't ever try to contact me"

With that she blocked my phone, texting, emails smoke signals and carrier pigeon. She blocked me on FB, unfriended all of my friends and convinced all of her friends to do the same.

Haven't heard a peep for 7 months.

5 days after she dumped me (she had been drifting away quietly for a couple of weeks, which made me anxious and insecure), I could not bear my fried brains any longer due to contradictions I experiencied prior and during break up, so I called her and got to meet her next day. I had stuff to tell her and there was stuff I needed to hear.

That hour long meeting of ours is the most ruthless, mean, maybe even cruel conversation I have been in.

That same night, in which I was unable to sleep at all, I wrote down word by word everything she told me, as to never ever forget the words that came out of her mouth with an honest cheerful smile and winning attitude. The woman I sat in front of that day (one month ago), was one I had never ever seen before during 19 months of relationship, this haunts me daily.

So basically she told me:

- Why are you looking me up? It's been so few days. Those calls! Those FB mesagges!

- i have been having an amazing time, old friends, parties and people around me i don't have to pretend Im confortable with.

- I am already in a complete new page, COMPLETE new page (repeatedly with emphasis various times)

- I don't love you anymore and its not recent but i just noticed it.

- i am so much better off with out you. Should of done this some time ago.

- i am actually speaking to two men.

- i could of told you all this on FB and not bother coming here, but oh well, here I am, i want to help you.

- don't look for me, no mails, mesagges, or calls. Don't make this hard on me.

This was all said 5 days after break up, when we had decided to move in together and spent the night together having very passionate sex.

"Leave me alone or I will call the police"

I got a note waiting for me when I got home from work. She said she had to say what she was about to say by note because she didn't want to hurt me, i.e., she couldn't face me when she did. It was a very short note. She gushed for one sentence about how I had supported, encouraged and inspired her, then told me that she now needs "to step out of the relationship." She said "I want more." (More than the other person's entire life, self, heart and mind?) She stated her belief that we had been working on the relationship for years and if we kept trying "we will make each other unhappy."She ended by telling me that she wants me in her life, but not in "this relationship."

I told her later that I didn't think we had ever worked on our relationship, and that had been the biggest disappointment to me, that we couldn't find ways to talk about what was hurting and what to do about it. She didn't acknowledge any of what I said about this, and later repeated statements about how it would be futile to continue to work on the relationship.

I have to say that I was especially affected by her statement that she was stepping out of the relationship. It was like the relationship will go on, like an empty streetcar without her in it. It will be my relationship to maintain, not hers. I knew when I read her statement that letting go of the relationship will be for me like an animal trying to escape from a steel trap, leaving shreds of its flesh as it tears itself out.