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I've been 20 days N/C at this point. Although the truth is I detached emotionally a long time ago and knew I needed to leave this situation. The first few days were hard but by day 10 I was thinking clearly and ready to move on.

I have met someone new,  which came as something of a surprise to me after so long of not even looking at anyone else. I'm having fun with it and enhancing my life with it than basing my life around it.

The thing is,  it took this experience to happen to me for me to realize that I was getting life badly, badly wrong.

I was drifting through life, my codependent nature was holding me back in so many ways.  I was miserable, lonely, had no pride in myself.  That's how this all happened.  That's why I ignored a million red flags,  that's why I wanted to "save" someone to feel good about myself.  That's why I got involved with someone who warned me very early on that they were "messed up and sick".

That's why I stayed in it despite being disrespected and mistreated.  I LET myself get mistreated.  How could I expect a mentally ill person to respect me when I couldn't even respect myself?

It's time to leave the "victim" mentality behind.  She did the only thing she knows how to do, and I let her do it because I was "messed up and sick " just like her,  just in a different way.

I'm a grown man and if I'd have remembered that none of this would have happened.  I wish her no ill will but I have come to realize I need to fix myself and she needs to fix herself.  Two broken people will never fit together.

Right now I'm focused on enjoying life.  I bought a Toyota Supra which I wanted for years,  next weekend I'm going to the beach for the weekend with the new girl in my life. She's cute by the way, and healthy.

I won't be around here very often, I need to limit it in order to keep improving myself but I'm off to a good start I feel.

my advice to the people on here who are suffering is that you have to turn the lens on yourself.  This whole borderline experience teaches you a lot about yourself and where you are failing. You can cry and mourn and get hung up for as long as you like,  I did for the best part of 8 months.  It achieves nothing.

As soon as you are ready,  start working on yourself, figure out what you are missing.  Because I guarantee you,  happy, healthy, strong people. They don't get done like this.

Hope you all are doing well

Peace

You are missing nothing brah

Join the self awareness board and look at yourself?

I'm so happy to see you at this point, Infern0. 

What you said is spot on. All of it.

BTW, when you said she is "cute and healthy", where you talking about the Supra or the new GF?  :)

Hope it's both