|
Title: Seeing things differently and emotions after NC Post by: funfunctional on April 24, 2015, 08:06:48 AM Hello,
I have been no contact for almost a year now from my BPD sister. On one hand I rejoice at the peace in my life and not getting all the dramatic texts and phone calls that weekly disrupted my life. I am out of her drama and sincerely more peaceful. The focus in on my own two kids and my husband. At times I do feel like I am missing a part of my life as my sister came with my two nephews who my kids sadly don't see anymore. My kids have asked to see them and the two times I have asked that maybe my dad could host a pizza party that I could drop the kids by at my BPD sister has said "no". The last of my extended family growing up is my Aunt who is in an asstd living and later state Dementia. She was diagnosed young and is my 2nd mother. I lost my mom 11 years ago. My dad is alone but spends winter in Florida and lives a distance a way and I feel that between work and life in general I don't get to see him much. Holidays this year I threw my own parties with friends but felt an emptiness of missing my aunt and dad and sister whom I have spent EVERY holiday my whole life with. I miss having extended family and often find myself jealous when I hear about friends going away with cousins or nieces or nephews or grandparents and I know I have to accept and focus on what I HAVE in my life and not what I don't have. At times that can be difficult. Daily I just miss the contact. I miss the holidays with family. I know this is just a time period and that things will change and my kids will have families. Right now it is a bit of a challenge at times. I work and keep busy but "life" can feel empty and I often find myself thinking back in time to all the family I once had. Now I have to move into the future and think about all the family I will have. Thank you for listening if you read my post. Emotions we feel and I guess we can't always stop from feeling them. Title: Re: Seeing things differently and emotions after NC Post by: Kwamina on April 25, 2015, 12:05:32 PM Hi funfun!
At times I do feel like I am missing a part of my life as my sister came with my two nephews who my kids sadly don't see anymore. ... . I miss having extended family and often find myself jealous when I hear about friends going away with cousins or nieces or nephews or grandparents and I know I have to accept and focus on what I HAVE in my life and not what I don't have. At times that can be difficult. :)aily I just miss the contact. I miss the holidays with family. I know this is just a time period and that things will change and my kids will have families. Right now it is a bit of a challenge at times. I work and keep busy but "life" can feel empty and I often find myself thinking back in time to all the family I once had. Now I have to move into the future and think about all the family I will have. I am sorry to hear that you are finding yourself struggling now. I can very much relate to the feelings you describe, acceptance is something I too periodically find myself struggling with. BPD family-members and the implications really present a harsh reality to accept. There is something in our article about radical acceptance that I think might be of some help to you at this particular time: These are the skills of reality acceptance. It sounds easy. Well, probably doesn't sound easy, probably sounds hard. It is hard. It's really hard. All of us are still practicing this. This is not one of those things you're going to get perfect at. There's not going to be a day when you can say, 'Alright, I've got it; I've got it. I can radically accept. I turn the mind all the time and I'm willing.' That day is not going to come. This is the only set of skills that I teach that I would have to say just about everybody has to practice just about every day of their lives. The way to practice these skills at the beginning when they're really hard is to find small things to practice them on first. If you start trying to practice on the really big things, you're not going to be able to do it. So find something small. Practice on that. The willfulness, notice it. You could start by counting it. Slowly try to replace it. Radical acceptance, notice when you are not accepting. You could start with counting it. Slowly try to replace it. Turning the mind, write yourself a note. Put it somewhere in your house. Put it on the refrigerator. All you have to write is 'Turn the Mind'. Put it up. Try to practice it. Practice it every time you open the refrigerator. If you keep practicing these skills, they do get easier. It's really the truth - they do. You'll get better at it. Life will get easier. Take care Title: Re: Seeing things differently and emotions after NC Post by: funfunctional on April 25, 2015, 06:08:03 PM Thank you Kwa! I appreciate.
|