|
Title: Hi & brief intro Post by: Bhodidharma on April 27, 2015, 01:30:47 AM It is very naïve, but it occurred to me today that my partner maybe the master of rationalisation. When she 'throws down' it's always predicated upon some reasonable imperative ( some of which I agree with). None the less, I'm often left with a disquiet (to put it mildly) that this seems to me to be missing the point. It's the emotional intensity of her response or reaction to some perceived ( or actual ) failing on mine/someone's part.
We've been married for 18 years. About 18 months ago, a clinician suggested BPD may be a useful framework, to help me in understanding my partners behaviour and responses. I cried for three days following that. Their was a huge relief in my recognition of BPD. My first thoughts were 'WOW it so fits! and why didn't I get that information sooner?' I was relieved to know that my partner had a recognised disorder, and a large part of the grief was for the same reason... . Peace ! Title: Re: Hi & brief intro Post by: waverider on April 27, 2015, 07:27:18 AM *welcome8
I hope we can provide a great venue to help you with your voyage of discovery |iiii Lots of info and advice to be found here. To address your point first that your partner seems to be both on the money and yet missing the point at the same time. Think of your partners mind as a huge library, but rather than all the work being stored in their complete volumes, her mind stores an enormous amount of snap shot photos and quotes, often with crystal clarity. The difference being they are not stored within the original volumes, but rather as a collection of like minded emotions. Hence she can summon forth with convincing clarity all this "evidence" however it is out of context and massaged to validate her emotion of the moment. To others this "version" seems remarkably true and accurate as it does contain some insightful nuggets of truth. But in reality it is corrupted by the rearrangement, and enforced with a confident hard sell. This can even leave us feeling doubtful about our own recollections and view of reality. Why can this disorder go undiagnosed for so long is a good question. It is a hidden disorder, it is very common, yet few people have even heard of it and in the majority of cases it's never diagnosed. As a result we have no idea how to deal with it as it is counter intuitive, everything we do seems to make it worse. Luckily the information we have here is a balance of clinical studies and the collective empirical experience of thousands of members who have been through this. Waverider Title: Re: Hi & brief intro Post by: takingandsending on April 27, 2015, 09:56:47 AM Hello ModeConfusion.
What you described is pretty reflective of many people with BPD. My uBPDw has a very good memory, but her story that comprises the inner dialogue of her mind is governed much more heavily by her feelings than mine, and those feelings are generally not clearly related to the what she is expressing. There is a very good video by Alan Fruzetti on validation that helped me to understand how to be more careful on how I communicate with my wife. It has helped me out. I hope you keep posting and learning the communication tools on this site. There is lot of help here if you are looking. :) |