BPDFamily.com

hi all, those that are familar with my story here, Court came and went, shocking outcome truth be told. Not even 5 hrs after it all ended shes back, 2 weeks no contact was reinstated for a year, text only about the kids haha! Now my freinds the real game begins, shes a recycler, tho shes aware that were done ,her choice. Love how they use the kids as a gateway back in,NOT!. This is going to be tuff for me i need help, ima sucker for the damzil in distress and boy is she ever in need. I cant help it however i need to be done for my kids sakes,.

Ok how to coparent now, i just got 50 50 with the kids, this is a very fresh wound less than 3 weeks. I have to stay focused on me and them start with zero nothing. How to overcome the dezire? Im not fixed yet and to be honest her voice and her sight makes me sick   I feel this is a set up for me to fail. And i worry when i start to shine again she will be tiggerd and snap. So, an unhappy and jelus BPD  holy crap i dont need to tell you how that ends, how can prepare my self for the hurricane thats building here? i dont wana loose my kids or my 50 50 deal. If i dont enable her i feel it would be a disater for us. Should i worry about this? Helpfull advice is always welcome here or in p msg.

Hi shatterd, and welcome to Co-Parenting.

Trying to make sense of a split while managing to be a parent, much less with the other parent who is a HCP (High Conflict Personality), is a lot of stress to be under. It's even more complicated when you may have some feelings towards the other parent as well.

I saw your post on the Legal Board. Your joint custody arrangement is a temp order for now, but a lot of members here have had the experience that temp orders usually morph into permanent ones (perhaps the court's view is "don't fix what isn't broke. If it's working, leave it be.".

The hard thing being in this situation is that in a sense, we are still "Stayers." That is, in a relationship with our former spouses or partners. We can still be triggers for them like we were when we were in the r/s.

In your case, however, there is a NC order, except for texts regarding the kids. How are you handling the transfers? Do you have a safe place to do it?

the hope is for it to be permanant, the police station is the transfer point. And the orderd lasted abot 5 hrs she broke and started with kids then quickly to other things. Shes undecided for sure still even tho she did all this and her actions after rapidly blew up in her face, as excpected, off the record the only thing i askd her was if she was still doing theripy for evryones sake being the kids safety first, she is not she stopd. the exchanges start next week so im not sure yet, i can only asume its guna be torture pending how her life is going, im assuming not well right now  i didnt ask  u can tell tho. When shes good she will be ice cold to me. What do u mean by stayers?

I mean it may help to.learn the communication tools outlined in lesson 3 of the Staying Lessons (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.0). At the very least, how to use SET (Support, Empathy, Truth), and how to not JADE (Justify, Argue, Explain, Defend).

The lessons specifically tailored to us are to the right of this board, and the have additional material to help us help our kids. For better, and hopefully not for worse, we will have relationships with our childrens' other parents for a long time. Working on relationship skills can help reduce conflict for everybody. It's better for the kids, for us, and even for our pwBPD.

You're still raw, and that's ok. Who wouldn't be in this situation, especially with a protection order and transferring your children at a police station? The question is what can you do to make it better, with boundaries to protect yourself, of course.

thank u mr wolf    i do need to lern to comanicate better  i will for sure read up on this  thank u