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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting => Topic started by: justaboutdone on April 27, 2015, 08:31:56 PM


Title: Tips To Speed Up Your Divorce?
Post by: justaboutdone on April 27, 2015, 08:31:56 PM
Sorry if the thread topic is confusing but I would love to hear your suggestions?


Title: Re: Tips To Speed Up Your Divorce?
Post by: HopefulDad on April 28, 2015, 01:21:46 PM
If you live in a state that allows it, go for a bifurcated divorce (google the term if need be).

Title: Re: Tips To Speed Up Your Divorce?
Post by: ForeverDad on April 28, 2015, 02:41:50 PM
  • Select an experienced, proactive, problem-solving lawyer.  Too many lawyers are accustomed only to settlements and are unprepared for unreasonable delays.  We need more than form filers and hand holders.


  • Keep the case active in court.  If the other side asks for upcoming hearings to be postponed for time to make or review an offer, tell them to make or review the offer but the case goes forward.


  • Each continuance can delay the case by a month or two.  Object to such requests unless clearly valid.  Lawyers usually extend 'professional courtesy' to each other by not objecting to such motions but that is obstructive in a high-conflict divorce.  Judges usually allow one or two continuances but eventually will get peeved at continued delays.


  • Try to handle more than one issue per hearing, bring a prioritized list with you. (I recall one day I had a list of 11 issues and only about three were addressed.


  • A less-unreasonable settlement offer is more likely when there is a major hearing or trial looming, generally near the end of the divorce process.

Title: Re: Tips To Speed Up Your Divorce?
Post by: maxen on April 28, 2015, 03:15:41 PM
be pro-active on your own end. do research on questions that you think of and be prepared for meetings with lawyers (my lawyer used to thank me for being ready with productive meetings and phone calls; i see no reason what she would have snowed me on this). if you're in a quandary, ask for specific advice on specific scenarios. keep good records on everything, including of your exchanges with your own lawyer. and keep in touch: don't let your lawyer go rusty on your case.

Title: Re: Tips To Speed Up Your Divorce?
Post by: justaboutdone on May 09, 2015, 02:25:52 PM
Quote from: ForeverDad on April 28, 2015, 02:41:50 PM
  • Select an experienced, proactive, problem-solving lawyer.  Too many lawyers are accustomed only to settlements and are unprepared for unreasonable delays.  We need more than form filers and hand holders.



I thought I had an experienced and proactive lawyer but we have completely stalled out. Actually we haven't really gotten started because I still don't have temporary orders. $2000 paid to my lawyer at $150/hr. and I don't even have any kind of orders in place. Looking back now I have no clue what I spent $2000 on!

Title: Re: Tips To Speed Up Your Divorce?
Post by: livednlearned on May 09, 2015, 05:35:14 PM
Have you been invoiced? You should see a bill that itemized down to the minute what you are being charged for.

If you're being scammed, file a complaint with the bar association.

Also, if you find the lawyer to be incompetent, it's worth confronting him/her and asking to withdraw and have the remainder of your retainer returned. You can't have a hack handling a high-conflict divorce.

Title: Re: Tips To Speed Up Your Divorce?
Post by: justaboutdone on May 09, 2015, 07:56:30 PM
Quote from: livednlearned on May 09, 2015, 05:35:14 PM
Have you been invoiced? You should see a bill that itemized down to the minute what you are being charged for.

If you're being scammed, file a complaint with the bar association.

Also, if you find the lawyer to be incompetent, it's worth confronting him/her and asking to withdraw and have the remainder of your retainer returned. You can't have a hack handling a high-conflict divorce.

I will ask for a bill. The lawyer was highly recommended by the county shelter.  She is also used very often as a Guardian Ad Litem with the court. My wife has delayed and delayed the temporary orders. When I ask my lawyer why she has not signed I end up with a back and forth communication with her lawyer and my lawyer not taking any action. A recent response from my lawyer why she has not signed was "her lawyer is not aware of any problem that she has with the temporary orders. Your wife is only telling you that she has a problem with the temporary orders". That was three weeks ago and I can't get my lawyer to communicate with her lawyer to find out what problem she has and file these temporary orders.

Title: Re: Tips To Speed Up Your Divorce?
Post by: maxen on May 10, 2015, 11:00:41 AM
Quote from: justaboutdone on May 09, 2015, 07:56:30 PM
I will ask for a bill.

actually, you should just get one. as my retainer was being spent out i received quarterly itemizations. surely this is standard practice?

Title: Re: Tips To Speed Up Your Divorce?
Post by: livednlearned on May 10, 2015, 11:15:18 AM
.justaboutdone,

Probably the most important tip, and one that is hard for many of us, is to be assertive. Be the squeaky wheel with your L, and if you need help drafting an email to make sure your L sits up and pays attention, feel free to do so. Being assertive after a BPD marriage can be a bit wobbly. It's also the key to making sure the divorce moves forward.

Your lawyer works for you. You're the boss 



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