BPDFamily.com

When your SO BPD does something that hurts, frustrates, upsets you how do you let it go?

For the longest time, when we were together, I would fill up my gut with all the grief and "suck it up".  There was a point towards the end of the R/S when I couldn't do that anymore... .I would react and spring back at her as quickly and insensitively as she did it to me.  Letting it go would probably happen when she came down from her "BPD situation" and became loving again... .then the warmth would start to flow in my heart again and if the lull was long enuff, I kinda got back to normal.  It really was like walking on eggshells and it hurt as much too!  I don't know that going for a walk or exercising (at my intensity) did very much for the immediate time... .maybe it helped more for the time (couple of hours) post incident.  I've got a big heart, and that's probably partially the reason why my gut was twisted often.  I tried to hold it in and not inflict grief on her for the longest time... .but I got to the point where "my cup runneth over!"  I was volatile when it got to that because she didn't give me time to diffuse. I don't know how people do this for 10, 15, and more years.  Maybe my ex was extremely toxic compared to others... .maybe it was just the fact that I was overflowing with devaluation as well as other crap.  We only lasted 4 years.  :-(

I understand this completely. I have a hard time with some of the behaviors, especially the push/pull and silent treatment. I have been conditioning myself to radically accept the behaviors. It has been tough since the silent treatment and push/pull trigger my own issues. My main problem was that I was thinking that this type of hurtful behavior was logical/rational and coming from a non-disordered person. I keep telling myself to let it roll off my shoulders and it is a part of my pwBPD's disorder.

What specific things are you having a hard time with?