BPDFamily.com

I haven't done my intro yet, but I am dying a little inside. I left my BPD husband. My choice. I walked away from everything to get freedom. But I did not expect him to move his girlfriend into my home with my kids five days after our divorce. I went to pick up my son this evening, and there she was. It was a bit surreal, like I had been replaced. Interestingly enough, we were both petite blonds of the same age... .he found someone else to seamlessly move in... .total mind trip. And I would be lying if I said it didnt hurt a ton.

Welcome to the boards. I am sorry for what you are going through. I can imagine that you were't expecting him to move on so quickly after the divorce.

Have you had a chance to read through the lessons on the right?

How long were you together?

Yes I have, I've been a lurker here for years. We were married 29 years. Obviously he had the replacement for me already lined up. Even though I was expecting something like that to happen, it still really hurt.

Sageegirl,

I was married 22 years and I left the marriage. I had a gut feeling my ex was cheating but no proof. I fought hard to sell the family home and not let him have it because I pictured my kids with a new woman cooking in the kitchen I just remodeled.

Yep, found out later he had her 7 years. She looks somewhat like me but is two years older and they worked together. He took her to the church we had gone to for 20 years, papers signed and off on the trip to a resort to celebrate, trips, new homes, etc... .Painful.

Fast forward 8 1/2 years. My ex is miserable with her. She is controlling and a money seeker. My kids (3) know the truth about the affair although they say that their dad and his wife still don't admit it. He told my son if he ever had it to do over he would have never gotten divorced.

Any woman that would do what she did will have her true colors show. Your ex is trying to hurt you. Stay strong. When I started dating my ex went nuts. He told my boyfriend after the divorce was final 3 months, "you can't take my wife to Cabo san Lucas," Nutcase... .lol. You will survive this and so will the kids. Eventually the game ends... .

sageegirl,

I am sure about the hurt you have felt about him moving his gf in 5 days after the divorce. 

Look at the bright side though, would you be happy to be with a guy of such characters ?

You know, he is one bad dude. It's not like this is a total surprise. But... .the fact that he had her there when I picked up my son five days after our divorce, and made sure that I saw it, was a deliberate attempt to cause pain. Oh why am I surprised, since that has been the story from the start.

I will tell you why. I can't imagine that someone could actually feel nothing after 29 years of marriage. That's the part that is shocking and painful. He truly did not love me at all. Probably never has. My life was a sham.

Time to get a game plan. My kids are adults, there is no reason I should have to have contact with him.

What are your best survival tips for protecting ones self after breaking up with a BPD/NPD person?

I had 18 years with my 62 year old uBPDexbf (I am 46).  He left in December.  Now he is with a 23 (yes, 23!) year old now. I think he had her for up to a year before he left here.  She's moved into his house, he just bought her a new truck, is great friends with his youngest daughter (26!), she goes to work with him as an apprentice to him, life is just rosy!   And I realized the same thing: Most of my adult life was a sham, too... .

So many of the stories here are so similar.  I too was in a long term (25 year) marriage and the minute we separated he was on dating sites and contacting long lost girlfriends and ex affair partners.  Heck he was doing that before moving out.  Within a couple of months out he found my replacement on a dating site and was immediately in a  full on in a relationship with her in a few weeks of knowing her.  Then they were off on a vacation over Valentines Day after literally knowing each other like 3 weeks.  He is still with her just happy as a clam and we are getting divorced. Its an amazing talent they seem to have for just throwing a switch and boom we don't exist and they run right out and have this amazing new love and life almost instantly changing everything.  Just doesn't seem right how they can just wreck lives and then always come right back up smelling like a rose.  Never missing a beat it would seem.

Try not to be in the VICTIM mode, of being inflicted pain by his actions. Try to be in the VICTOR mode, like:

1. Be happy that you are not involved any more.

2. Be happy that BPD can no longer do anything to you

3. Say a prayer for the new replacement and hope God can give them clarity to see BPD like you did.