BPDFamily.com

Married 29 years to my BPD husband, I have been lurking here for years. We have been separated off and on for the last two years. I could not take trying to regulate his feelings any more, especially if he wouldnt stay on prescribed meds or try. Physical,, mental, spiritual abuse were a regular part of my life. A few months ago, I rented an apartment, packed what I could in a four hour window, and left. Our divorce finalized five days ago. I am feeling such a mixed bag of emotions.

*welcome* Sagegirl

I saw your other post on the Leaving Board. 29 years is a long marriage, but it seems like you had to leave to do what was best for you. It may be hard to think like that, especially since you've probably spent so many years trying to manage his emotions. Though you left, it must be painful to watch him move his gf in, especially since you have children. How are the kids, and what's your custody situation like? I hope to hear more and how best we can support you.

Turkish

Hey Sagegirl, 

I like your moniker!  I read your post over on the Leaving Board, too.  I view it as a positive sign that you have come out of the shadows and started posting on these Boards, which suggests to me that you are ready to work on your issues and grow.  I'm sorry for all you are going through.  You don't have to justify the reasons why you left the r/s as we understand the challenges of marriage to a pwBPD.  Of course you are feeling mixed emotions, which may seem overwhelming, but is quite normal.  My suggestion is for you to acknowledge and recognize the different emotions, as a way to process them.  We are here to help.

LuckyJim

Hi Sagegirl,   

I would like to join Turkish and Lucky Jim and welcome you to the family. 

I am sorry that you are going through this.    It is understandable to have mixed emotions with everything that has been going on.  What feeling is the most predominate?

relief and sadness. My kids who are 18 and 20 stayed with him. He is bigger than his dad, and wanted to finish  last year of high school with his friends. My daughter will probably come live with me soon. I left a pet, that he killed. Im living with that decision now.

I understand that you could feel relief and sadness. I am sure it is really difficult not having your children with you at the moment. Coping with BPD behaviors can be really exhausting. Sharing your story really helps working through your feelings.

I am sorry about your pet.    It is tough coping with the loss of a pet. Do not be hard on yourself. What happened with the pet?

He claimed she got sick and he couldnt afford a vet. So he put a bullet in her head.

I am so sorry.    That is very traumatic.  Remember, you did not cause him to do this.

I am so very sorry! Much love to you!