BPDFamily.com

Of course the obvious ones would be

"You not going to leave me are you "

"Jealousy " etc

But I'm talking about other ways BPDers reflect through behaviours and words the fear of abandnment?

:)

Excessive contact need. My ex-BPD would constantly call me under the circumstances of "just talking to me because it was nice". Later, this was of course projected onto me as being up-in-the-face all the time and me having trust issues.  

My ex only expressed her abandonment fears a few times.

First time was after she got her hair cut fairly short:

"Are you going to leave me because I have stupid hair?"

And second was when I was being devalued she kept telling me:

"I can't lose my friends"

because I told her I didn't like her friends (they were all crazy, go figure) and she felt like it was either me or them.

She has a cat. The cat is a rescue. She would always tell me how the cat hates her but is always so happy when she comes back home from work. So, I told her - "So, he is kinda like, 'I hate you, don't leave me!', right?" to which she replied "Yep, pretty much". And then, once I started learning about personality disorders after she dropped me out of nowhere, I came across a book called... .*drum roll*... ."I hate you, don't leave me". I literally almost spit my wine all over the computer screen because at that point I was not sure anymore if she was talking about her cat or was flat our telling me to my face how she felt about me... .

When my Ex and I were just friends, I once deactivated my Facebook account without telling her. We were just on a friendly basis but she flipped out. She could still text and email me, but just deactivating my FB was a shock to her system.

One time when I told her I wanted to end the relationship, she said she understood, but that "please, please, please do not deactivate your Facebook, I need to know you're out there."

Shortly after my ex broke up with me I deactivated my Facebook. I had left lines of communication open then, before I instituted NC, and I got text from her not soon after asking if I had deactivated. Kind of strange then, but fits the patterns now.

One of my favorites from my soon-to-be ex-wife:

"Whenever you read a book, it's feels like you're enjoywow spending time with the book, and not with me. You probably want to live with books and not with me. You will probably leave me to spend time with your books."

Then (if we were reading in bed) when I would put my book down to ask her what was up, she'd shove me away, say, "I need space," then go back to reading her own book.

Would later cite this whole exchange as a sign of my smothering her.

excessive contact was always there. we also spent entirely too much time together for my sanity. but when we didnt, id get these calls or texts asking if she could call. theyd always be centered around how profoundly lonely she was feeling. id try reminding her of her friends, id try reminding her she had me, that she had things to look forward to, etc. it didnt really have any effect. shed either start crying or was on the verge of it when we hung up. frankly i would get impatient and tired of it. when i discovered BPD and realized what was going on there, i felt and still feel a lot of compassion.