BPDFamily.com

Why do they lie so much even when you catch them and your holding the truth they still lie

Otherwise they would be a normal person.

Perhaps it is a way for BPD to affirm themselves that they are not the problems, the nons are.

I always felt like my ex felt she was smarter than me or was trying to out smart me... .she was really bad at it and was pretty unintelligent so it was kinda sad to watch.

My X was so impulsive, always doing stupid s#*t and she would lie to cover it up. Her world was such a distortion of reality that lying I guess just made it all the more real. Even when I had her caught red handed she was real quick on her feet fumbling that lie atop another and then would throw a tantrum.

From Understanding The Borderline Mother:

"Some borderlines consciously distort the truth in order to prevent abandonment, maintain self-esteem, or avoid conflict. Others may lie to evoke sympathy, attention, and concern. From the borderline’s perspective, however, lying feels essential to survival.  

"Although not all borderlines consciously lie, all borderlines experience perceptional distortions.) When desperation drives behavior such as lying or stealing, they feel innocent of wrongdoing and do not feel guilt or remorse. Apologies are rare, therefore, and borderlines may be confused about why others expect them to feel remorse. They believe that others would do what they did in order to survive. Their explanation is succinct, “But I had to!” Thus the borderline is unconcerned with the consequences of lying because she feels she had no other option.

"When the borderline is hurt or frightened, she feels that her survival is at stake; thus, morality is temporarily suspended."



It's also dissociative, but distorting reality is "an unconcious way of processing information that reflects the individual's reality." In other words, aligning facts with feelings.

X-posted with dagwoodbowser, who summed it up in the second sentence.

Wouldn't everybody want to do that.i call that bad parenting nobody ever kept them accountable.now they will mess up everyone in there way even there own kids

This is EXACTLY what I experienced.  EXACTLY. There is no shot at having a relationship with a person who just reinvents reality to suit their feelings. I also had the experience with my pwBPD that there is little or no guilt. She could lie and cheat, but had no guilt or remorse. I think her (unfounded) fears of of abandonment allowed her to justify the behavior and for her there was nothing wrong with her blatant indescretions... .so there was no guilt.

I think that underneath it all there was massive shame... .but that is just a guess.

Your right there is shame she can never look me in the eye and then they start the fake crying act and walk away.no responsibility

The fake crying was ridiculous... .no tears sniffling... .I never even acknowledged it, it was such bad acting.

I did not get the fake crying act from my BPD... .but I have seen women without BPD pull that act right and left as a form of manipulation. Of course, the behavior is denied.

I have definitely experienced it though.

My ex lied soo much. Then would talk about how she doesnt like liars and how horrible it is... .yet i continually found lies, and even after the breakup, found more... .The fake tears... .yup had that. To the point it didnt phase me at all anymore... .she actually said to me that she has never seen a man so immune to a woman's tears (that didnt make me feel good) tbh.

She even went as far as faking seizures! Now, i say this because the seizures would always start during or after an argument, or when she didnt want to do/go somewhere. She had me convinced that she had seizures and all sorts of other medical problems... .then after awhile i just didnt believe her anymore and for the life of me i couldnt figure out why. She would hate it, and get so pissed at me for not running to her rescue. I did feel really bad! i felt like a monster, i mean why wasnt i running to her rescue? why wasnt i so kind and loving? Then it dawned on me... .What kind of person in their 30's doesnt seek medical treatment if they have epilepsy? What kind of person says they did see a doctor (before she met me) and the meds make her sick, so she stopped? Hello! if you have a serious condition... .you should probably be an adult about it and get that stuff under control.

Thats what was going through my head.

Ever have anything like this?

Your title is a good one.  Yes they do but facing the truth is a difficult if not impossible thing for them.  Because somewhere underneath it all are some horrible truths and they are never gonna deal with it. 

The "no remorse" thing is the toughest thing to comprehend. She showed up again in my life about a month ago. We have exchanged some texts here and there, nothing to the level it was when we were dating. Never once she told me she was sorry for hurting me or tried to offer an explanation. It's like that event never happened. Like somehow she rationalized in her brain that her just disappearing out of my life was a mutual decision or something along those lines and all is good. It is such a weird thing to observe for a normal brain... .