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So, I had a really good couple of days (as in, not thinking about or missing the ex).  Even had a few long conversations with my mom about my ex which left me feeling VERY positive about him being out of my life.  I was focusing on all the negatives of the r/s and how he wronged me for 18 years.

Then, stupidly, I was searching Pinterest for the hell of it and looked up his 23 year old skank.  Sure enough, her board is covered in wedding crap (wedding ideas, wedding dresses, wedding rings, horse themed weddings, blah, blah).  I've heard comments from others that he is introducing her as his soon-to-be-wife.  This just verified that a little more.

Now I feel like crap again.  Mad at myself and feeling that devastated feeling all over again

Don't beat yourself up about it. We've ALL done this, to some degree. What's done is done. You fell off the horse. Climb back on and keep riding towards your destination. As long as you keep moving forward, you'll make it :)

I agree with Irish, you hit a rough spot and a sensitive area for yourself. Go back and relive your conversation with your mom (or better yet, call her and have another!). That feeling of relief is something you need to work towards, and it is the right way to get around it. Don't let a brief moment of weakness bring you down. There are several ways to block other people's pages on e.g. pininterest (e.g. adblock where you can add the URL of your ex's new gf's pininterest page). I personally did this to my ex-BPD facebook page (I removed as friend as well), and this helps me from not snooping around, because I know this will trigger me badly!

Back on the horse and keep fighting for your recovery. You will get there, and sounds like you have found your way of coping, through talking to your mom. Good job!

Definitely have to agree with this. I relapsed a few times on my social media NC rule and it definitely sucked. I felt like I was starting from square one, but a day or two later I was back to my current stage of the healing process.

Don't worry about it! It does bring those feelings back for a bit, but they go away much faster than they did right after the breakup.

The first thing I did was block.

Blocked my ex from EVERYTHING and privated my facebook so tight, that it's almost impossible to find.

I have few friends (they are actual friends in real life) and that limits all contact.

IF I feel like I 'want to creep' the SECOND that feeling happens, I walk away from the computer and go do something positive for me.

I didn't break contact, I have my ex blocked on facebook, and I finally blocked phone numbers but after hanging out with my kids last night, on the long drive home back to my parent's house I found myself stopping at a Target that her and I would go to a lot. It was an instant trigger and I knew it would happen, and I've done this before too. I think part of me does this wondering if I will run into her, even though I get scared at the fact of running into her. I also think well maybe I'll run into her friend, or someone that will then go back and tell her "hey confused looks good."

Thing is I have to completely shut the door to the past. It's one thing to deal with Triggers when they naturally happen but to go seek them out is not good for me. I should've just stayed in the car and stayed on the interstate.

I would be betraying everything I worked for. Towards the end one of the reasons we broke up is because of a message she sent to my kids about their mom. She was also trying to control how I raised my kids, and much like IrishPride that is a no go for me.

I've also learned that I dont' want to personally play the victim role anymore. It's been three months this month since we broke up, and two and a half months since I saw her last. I realisitically will not run into her again. She is alive because I breath life into her through my pain and suffering. She hasn't attempted to contact me, even when she was unblocked. She moved on to a new man within two weeks. Why do I do this to myself? This was a woman that verbally abused me, emotionally abused me, kicked me once in a drunken rage and didn't remember, threatened suicide as a way to try to keep me there (and two weeks later she moved on to someone else). We lived together the last seven months and there were some moments of fun but the majority of it was my head confused as to who this person is, why does she treat her best friend and love like this.

Well it's because I can be man enough now to say it, I allowed it to happen. I didn't assert my boundaries. I was the typical nice guy that thought if I give her what she wants, then I'll be rewarded with my needs. Yes she rewarded me with sex but that was so she could fill her needs (maybe pun intended a bit, lol). There was some affection and true intimacy. I miss that.

But I can still remember the look in her eyes when she was sending that text message to the kids, a look of child like I'm doing this and I don't care if I ruin my relationship with them. Then she couldn't understand why they didn't want to be around her anymore.

I let her walk all over me. It wasn't right and she shouldn't have done it but I didn't stand up for myself either. I was too afraid of not having someone, sucking on that validation pipe she offered, needing to hear her tell me I'm attractive, I'm nice, etc instead of knowing it and believing it myself.

I had such an emptiness I didn't provide my own happiness, I looked towards others. I was afraid to rock the boat.

So yeah I still feel ugly (even though I'm not). I still feel unloveable (even though I am). But I have to get past this issues. Going back is not an option. I know how the movie would play out.

Besides, she showed me more of who she was in the last month in her actions, than her words could ever make up for.

I'm a great person and I deserve to be treated with respect, same as I give to others.

The one problem I have is that I still have her physical looks up on a pedestal when I shouldn't.  She is attractive but her inside makes her ugly. Part of it is my insecurity thinking I lucked out. I've had numerous friends now tell me they didn't know what I saw in her. I have to believe in myself before others will.

It will be a long hard road, and I cry. I also know I loved her. She was broken and I stupidly wanted to help her not out of some need to be superior, but because the person I thought I knew was amazing. When she showed me who I thought her true self was it was amazing. But she is broken. She put some duct tape on all her breaks and is with this new man now. He will get the same treatment too. She will drink a little too much and go off on him for something.

I'm just glad for his sake he doesn't have any children for her to break their hearts like she did with mine.

I really hope I don't see her again. The best revenge is to live a good life, and I'm trying to fix me now

I've totally blocked all social media. While we were still talking she accused me of doing this so that she couldn't see my page, she is always accusing me of seeing other people or hiding things from her, the truth was and has always been that I do it because I don't want to be triggered. Of course one day she'll be with someone else, even her adding a friend could be enough to start my mind whurring or seeing where she has checked in, I really do NOT want to know, for me the pain of wondering or seeing something to confirm the wondering ranks well above my curiosity.