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A common theme in my relationship is how she begins to get me to sever off ties with family and friends. Everyone in my life becomes not good enough. If she is the only own feeding me information, then its easier for her to maintain control.

Now that I am spending more time with friends again. Its shocking to see how wrapped up I was in one woman. My life is and was passing me by. Im still not yet 'free' from things but I am at least seeing the light, and what is possible if I can finally let go and free myself from her, and from my own limiting beliefs.

What makes it hard, is when she 'promises' to me things will be better. I want to believe her that she can change and do the right things that will allow us to work together and be on a better life path.

I read that an abusive person will try to isolate you from family and friends, some of the very ones who will provide you with support.

It’s good to have time with people you have a healthy relationship with, and that’s something that can be within your control by setting healthy boundaries.  There has to be something good in your life, some kind of joy somewhere, something normal to balance out all of discord in a  relationship with a pwBPD.

About promises:  It seems to be a “we fall down, we get up” kind of life, for both the pwBPD and the non in the relationship.  The underlying difficulty with emotional regulation along with all of the accompanying "stuff" undermines the promises or the intent of the pwBPD to be better.  For us nons, it can be really hard to wear the tools all of the time.   

When I was with my ex, I made a friend randomly when we were out at the store. I got along with him marvelously, and spent some time at his apartment. Guess what she does? She says she doesn't like him because he's misogynistic, a jerk, a "bad influence" and "he'll make you wanna leave me so you guys can go party and f**k b*****s"

Just from that BS, I wanted to leave her. I couldn't understand how she couldn't understand how her behavior made my love for her wither like a flower in a jar. I would've stayed with her forever! Only after the r/s is over am I even beginning to make sense of all this. And really I thought she wouldn't matter so much to me after I left, but its really just a healing tool, this r/s.

That was a big cutoff. My friendship with this fella wasn't the same 2 years later. I let her cut me off from my mother because my mother is crazy, has BPD. If I had a female friend at work or something, guess what? "Oh you wanna f**k her don't you. No? Promise you won't cheat on me or leave me? Please don't leave me, I love you so much."

Lmao!

When I moved into my current place with roommates, the calmness made me think a storm was gonna hit, that I was gonna lose everything, that I was gonna die or something bad was gonna happen. Talk about PTSD. But now, I have actually made a couple friends, and things are leveling out. Who'd have thought? Everyone is just like you and me! We all want to be loved!