BPDFamily.com

A few days shy of 60 N/C. I finally feel I have my emotions under control, zero anxiety and my blood pressure has been the norm for at least the last 20 days. I started on an SSNRI (effexor)antidepressant about 8 days ago with minimal side effects and that deep, profound sense of loss and sadness is now just a sense of quite numbness. It's a strange feeling, but I would rather feel the dullness than that blackhole of sorrow. Most importantly this entire week I have Not had to fight off any urge to sneak off an email or text.  I am being the watcher of my thoughts and while it could likely be more than I am aware of less time is being stolen  thinking about my BPDx. It's no longer a compulsion or obsession of what she's doing, wondering how she is, who's she with etc. There are a few moments where I ask myself why I should even care?

I'm also starting to deal with the reality of it all:

It's very likely I will Never see her again and do I really want to?

Our last intimate contact was Valentines Day and that will never happen again and I cant let it happen.

Thanks to my own research, these  Boards and all those that have shared far too many similar stories as well as her Actions I am too well armed and fully aware of what I have been dealing with and what is to come regardless of how many times I try to place the triangle into the circle.

I've experienced far too much pain, emasculation, shame and humiliation after multiple attempts to make a relationship work with someone that is unwell and unwilling to get well.

It's still a daily grind of another day that passes but I no longer feel captured and under her clutches.

Hopefully freedom will come soon.

Good. The FOG clears, the heart readjusts, and time and life go on. Know that grieving isn't a straight line process and that some days will be better than others, and don't beat yourself up for still looking backwards once in awhile. It's natural. Keep letting go. Keep moving forward. Keep believing in yourself. Make your own freedom. Create your own peace.

Thank you myself. Still recall those first 10 days... .dont wish it on anyone.

Keep going Dagwood! You'll get past this and your posts have helped me get over my pain as well. Hang in there buddy!

Good job Dagwood keep going... .I hope to be were you are soon.

The first few weeks for me were easy... .I wanted out and I was angry... .when reality set in around week 2 is when I really started to struggle.

Thanx Zunder and Dunder... .you guys twins? Date the same BPDx? lol

I appreciate the kuddos. We're all in this to help learn from each other and I'll say it again.

I so much wish I could have found this place at least a year earlier.