|
Title: At the limit Post by: jc2 on May 08, 2015, 05:46:13 PM I think I have reached the end of my tether.
Today I have been spat at, screamed at, pushed and shoved and verbally abused. Just because I did not ask enough about her day - in the right way. I cannot see clearly what to do but probably should visit the other boards. When it is this bad I just cannot see that anyone can get better. How does anyone know that people can get better? I am not sure I believe it can happen. Title: Re: At the limit Post by: Reforming on May 09, 2015, 07:24:52 AM I think I have reached the end of my tether. Today I have been spat at, screamed at, pushed and shoved and verbally abused. Just because I did not ask enough about her day - in the right way. Hi jc2 I'm really sorry this is happening. I understand how very difficult and upsetting this feels. Nobody deserves to be spat at, or verbally or physically abused. From reading your others posts it's clear that you've experienced a lot of pain and trauma. I spent almost 16 years with my partner and our relationship alternated between periods of relative calm to extreme lows with violent episodes. I was so lost in the FOG, that lost sight of myself and I found ending my relationship one of the most difficult and frightening things I've ever done. It's now over two and a half years since we separated and though it hasn't been easy I feel that ending the relationship was the right thing for both me and my partner. Excerpt I cannot see clearly what to do but probably should visit the other boards. When it is this bad I just cannot see that anyone can get better. How does anyone know that people can get better? I am not sure I believe it can happen. My personal take is that healing takes a lot of work for both partners and there are no guarantees that a relationship will survive. It is possible and there are members that have found a way through. Steph, one of the senior members has written about her and her partner's journey. If you're interested it's worth reading her posts. I think the outcome varies enormously depending on the circumstances and the strengths and weakness of both people involved in the relationship. Both need to be really committed to doing the work and that's not always the case. These relationships can push us to our absolute limits and beyond and I think at a certain point it's important to try and be fair to ourselves and accept our own limitations. I know this isn't easy and I realise that it can feel very painful. I know from your posts that you've had a very traumatic experience in therapy that very understandably left you feeling terribly betrayed. I can't imagine how hurtful it must have been… I can also understand that the idea of seeking professional help could feel deeply triggering. Do you have a support network or a trusted friend that you could confide in? Please know that we're here for you Reforming Title: Re: At the limit Post by: jc2 on May 10, 2015, 05:19:05 PM Many thanks - I have a lot to think about. Tonight has been awful - the day was OK but now I have been shoved and attacked and threatened to the point that I feel she is completely out of control.
She has been driving dangerously and screaming but has gone out now. I will find Steph's post. Many thanks Title: Re: At the limit Post by: Reforming on May 10, 2015, 05:36:08 PM Many thanks - I have a lot to think about. Tonight has been awful - the day was OK but now I have been shoved and attacked and threatened to the point that I feel she is completely out of control. She has been driving dangerously and screaming but has gone out now. I will find Steph's post. Many thanks Hi jc2 Here's a link to Steph's post. https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?action=profile;u=28800;sa=showPosts That sounds like really tough stuff you're going through right now... .Are you ok? Do you have anywhere safe where you can take some time for yourself to recover? I hope you're ok Reforming Title: Re: At the limit Post by: Loosestrife on May 10, 2015, 06:29:46 PM Hi
I have been spat at several times, it's now one of my limits that I have imposed upon myself as its so disgusting and degrading. I hope you are safe tonight L Title: Re: At the limit Post by: m0xiemom on May 10, 2015, 10:17:06 PM I am so sorry. I have not been spat on but I have as full cans of soda or beer thrown at me. I am where you are. I just don't see how things can really come back enough from that to make me feel healthy. I am most definitely in the l FOG as they say and really debating an exit strategy.
I hope you find some comfort from not being alone and that you find a resolution that makes you happy. Title: Re: At the limit Post by: Lucky Jim on May 11, 2015, 04:12:42 PM Hey jc2, I'm sorry to hear what you are contending with. I agree w/Reforming:
Excerpt These relationships can push us to our absolute limits and beyond and I think at a certain point it's important to try and be fair to ourselves and accept our own limitations. I know this isn't easy and I realise that it can feel very painful. It may sound counter-intuitive, but sometimes stepping away from an abusive r/s is the most loving thing that you can do for yourself. It's part of accepting one's own limitations, as Reforming notes. Tolerating abuse leads to a loss of self-esteem, in my view, and is a big red flag. red-flag Running yourself into the ground is no help to anyone. No one is going to give you a medal for remaining loyal to an abusive pwBPD. Change is possible, but only if you are ready to change. Only you know the path that is right for you. LuckyJim |