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After three years of trying, standing all bad, all fights, jealousy she tells me she met guy and after one week he is already so perfect... .Already plans with him... .and now she can tell me not to appear cause he is with her... .I am thinking she all the time were looking for replacement, meeting guys but when found the one she thinks is better, she decided to change... .she was breaking contact with me many times and than coming back, changing phone numbers, coming back... .

Will she come back again? amount of damage she done, but I am pretty sure... .sooner or later she will come back again... .and try all again to drag me in... .

Do they always come back? She was breaking up with me 100 times, even with no contact... .she was coming back... .

I do not know myself if it is a hope in me, or terrible fear she will be in front of my door again... .

You're asking the wrong question. Will she come back again is the wrong question. Will I be foolish enough to take back a person who does not value me again, is the question. She has shown you what she thinks of you. There are 3.5 billion women in the world. Make another choice.

It sounds like you've been going through a very painful time and you've tried very hard to make your relationship work.

I understand how hurtful it can feel when someone you care about very deeply seems to just discard you for someone else. In your other posts you talk about feeling very stressed and overwhelmed. Being in a relationship with a disordered person can be enormously challenging and difficult. It's very easy to lose sight of ourselves and our own needs. How are you coping right now.


I think most of us feel a mixture of hope and fear. The drama and intensity of these relationships can be so compelling that it's almost addictive.

She may well get back in contact, but ultimately it's your choice whether you reengage or not.

I suppose the question is whether renewing your relationship with her will make you happy and meet your needs?

What do you think?

We all know how hard it can be to say no, but whatever you chose to do we're here for you

Reforming

Dear Trog, Thank You for Your reply, I know You are right. 

Dear Reforming,

I was trying to do my life, and I had very hard time to keep with Her. Always accused I dont deserve anything, that I dont do enough, and even when I done something special... .She always found something in this to turn it against me.

How I am coping? I try to do my life, but it was very difficult, even when did not speak to her feeling like drawing my energy, occupying my thoughts... .Blaming me about everything made me feel traumatized and scared, for example - meeting with any colegue or friend - I was worst in the worls. Once she saw my friend - guy - invited me for beer - she went mad, clled me "dog"... .I dont even know why... .And all the time was like that... .

But I can imagine it is like in Karma "the law of mirrows" - she constantly was looking for replacement, someone who "will rescue" her... .makes her forget about me... .and that is why she was scared and she thought I do the same... .

I seen that all, but I was too week to cut it. Always when she was coming back, I just could not say NO... .

I know You r right, and I will try to keep strong.

Thank you Again!

Best Regards,

Maro12

Ofcourse she found a replacement. It's just how it goes.

What are you going to do to stop the abuse and protect yourself from this creep?

Maro12,

Since y'all have cycled so many times and you have proven to be a reliable fall back to person, she will probably be back. You need to ask yourself if living with this instability is what you want in your life. According to what you have written, instability is a cyclical and predictable characteristic of hers. You cannot fix her brokenness nor can you love it away.

The replacement is going to get the same behavior from her that you got from her. Currently, to her, the replacement may be the greatest thing since ice cream, but that (idealization stage) won't last. It's not about him, just like it wasn't about you. It is about her disorder.

It's hard to look after yourself and keep your life on track when you're in the middle of all that. Those suffering from BPD struggle to take responsibility for their choices and behaviour and frequently try to blame others for theirs choices.

This feels so hurtful and confusing that it's very easy to get lost in the cross fire and forget that we have the power to choose how we act too.

You're obviously very aware of her behaviour and the pain it's causing you. What do you think is the would help you to move forward?


Feeling an overwhelming fear of abandonment is part of the disorder. It's very common for someone with BPD to seek replacements when they feel threatened. It's clear that you really care about her and you're trying to understand her feelings, but you're not responsible for her and you cannot control or change how she behaves.

What about your feelings and needs? You deserve love and understanding too yes?

I don't know if you've read the section on healing. It's really worth reading. I needed to read and then re-read it a few times to absorb it

Healing the Big Picture

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=136462.msg1331263#msg1331263


So many of us have struggled to step away and detach even when we knew that our relationship was destructive and unhealthy. It doesn't mean we're weak and neither are you. It does mean that there are reasons why we were drawn into our relationships and why we can end up stuck there... .

You are attached and ending that attachment isn't easy, but it's definitely possible. Understanding why we struggle to let go can be a huge help

Understand you situation

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=136462.msg1331264#msg1331264



Please keep posting. We're here for you

Reforming

Thank You All,

I am just scared she will come back... .When phone rings, my body is shakeing if it is not her... . she could call me 60 times when her rages was on, I could not hear abuse anymore and did not answer! The number is real! 60 times or even more! than same amount of texts... .Sound of the phone is real treat for me now, maybe it sounds funny, but that how it is :-/ I have real trauma... .Always was like this, I stared to get better, was moving on... .and... .there she goes again! She is under my door! Like she would have a sensor when I start to feel better... .!

Best Regards,

Maro12