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Title: What's love like in a non-BPD r/s? Post by: Bassoutcast on May 10, 2015, 06:09:24 AM Hey guys.
Although my story is similar to most posted here - idealization, devaluation and the eventual discard, followed by PTSD and other "fun" things that a regular BPD r/s-b/u has to offer, but my story is different in a key element - she was my FIRST r/s - first kiss, everything (I was her first too, or at least so she claimed). I'm 20 y/o, never had a girl before due to a sheer lack of interest in most girls, and this r/s was so intense (though lasted only 4 months, it included plans of moving in together and talk of marriage - things I happily appreciated, being the hopeless romantic that I am). I honestly thought I found "the one" - but I think a person who truly loves you won't make you go through ST and hit your pressure points like a martial-artist to paralyze you. I'm 2 months out, and I miss the intimacy, and by that I mean the "child-like" things - cuddling, telling someone that loves you about your day, lifting her by surprise and have her giggle while saying "put me down!", those things. It's not as much as my ex as the intimacy I had with her, and I want that - be it with her or with someone else, but I'm worried - I've NEVER had a r/s outside of this one... .how do they work? how is it different? I mean, with my ex we said "I love you" on the first date (although we were good friends before the date so it was just a "verification" date for us to be "official"... .can someone shine the light on this? Title: Re: What's love like in a non-BPD r/s? Post by: dobie on May 10, 2015, 08:00:53 AM No need to soothe every day
No dysrythmic depression No constant anxiety No outlandish and grandiose statements of how "amazing , wonderful, special" you are constantly No need to fix everything and anything No almost sociopathic selfishness No burning resentment if they have to do anything to meet your needs No gradual loss of yourself No power struggle constantly Empathy real empathy , real caring Laughter They have there own hobbies , friends, interests , passions No telling you they would kill themselves if something happened to you then breaking up a week later and being told they haven't loved you for a year Genuine love & affection , mutual respect , kindness and just a realistic view of how a r/s should be . Both partners taking equal responsibility for problems failures etc Giving as much as taking No paranoid accusations When you BU bar cheating or abuse they mourn cry and give closure not spew resentment and me , me , me platitifs while blaming you for everything and try to destroy you its like a child throwing a temper tantrum as apposed to an adult with reason , kindness and maturity trying there best NOT to hurt you . No extremely dysufuctional parent/s Its hard to quantify but in a normal r/s you feel at ease in a BPD one you feel charged , high conflict , drained etc Its where u don't get those moments where you feel you are dating a child With my xBPDfiance I felt like a parent I felt needed but not ever truly loved She was a reptile the more woman I date the more I remember how unhealthy she is emotionally Title: Re: What's love like in a non-BPD r/s? Post by: Bassoutcast on May 10, 2015, 09:08:18 AM No need to soothe every day I did constantly have the need to tell her how proud I am of her and how amazing she is so she wouldnt... . No dysrythmic depression ... .be depressed all the time No constant anxiety Had my first panic attack with her - when I was going to meet her "devilish" parents (who turned out to be quite nice) No outlandish and grandiose statements of how "amazing , wonderful, special" you are constantly I've had a handful of those... .mostly before the b/u No need to fix everything and anything Felt like if I wasn't there by her side she'd lose her mind and harm herself... . No almost sociopathic selfishness No burning resentment if they have to do anything to meet your needs The minute my needs came first I was discarded like an old pair of shoes No gradual loss of yourself Was going to cancel on my friends, even leave my band for her... .so thankful I DIDN'T get there No power struggle constantly Empathy real empathy , real caring Laughter There was plenty... .at first... .then she got real quiet They have there own hobbies , friends, interests , passions Found it strangely coincidental she had the EXACT same interests as I did (90% of them), and other hobbies she casually mentioned were discarded early on in the r/s No telling you they would kill themselves if something happened to you then breaking up a week later and being told they haven't loved you for a year Been there, done that. Genuine love & affection , mutual respect , kindness and just a realistic view of how a r/s should be . Both partners taking equal responsibility for problems failures etc Giving as much as taking No paranoid accusations All of this sounds like "Relationship 101" but as time goes on I begin to realize it wasn't always as such When you BU bar cheating or abuse they mourn cry and give closure not spew resentment and me , me , me platitifs while blaming you for everything and try to destroy you its like a child throwing a temper tantrum as apposed to an adult with reason , kindness and maturity trying there best NOT to hurt you . No extremely dysufuctional parent/s Been there, done that Its hard to quantify but in a normal r/s you feel at ease in a BPD one you feel charged , high conflict , drained etc Its where u don't get those moments where you feel you are dating a child With my xBPDfiance I felt like a parent I felt needed but not ever truly loved She was a reptile the more woman I date the more I remember how unhealthy she is emotionally Thanks... .I thought it was natural for one person to give and give while the other person didn't... .thought it was just my over-compassionate spirit and lovey-dovey idealism that made me put so much into it... . |