BPDFamily.com

Hi,

I've been in a relationship with pwBPD for 2 years and she has been in and out of T for decades. Things just don't seem to be getting any easier. I don't feel the F or O in FOG but I  feel the G. I am trying my best to stay in the relationship but its wearing me down. Treading on egg shells, worrying when she feels suicidal and that she doesn't work. I can't see how I can carry on like this. I appreciate the good times, but things can turn sour on the drop of a pin and I am so tired and drained. I have done all the lessons on here and I am supportively validating whilst setting limits and boundaries. I'm not sure what I'm asking in this post, I think I'm just at my wits end with the person I love and that in itself is a painful internal conflict.

   

It can wear a person down that is for sure. Sometimes it helps just to vocalize it in a safe place like this.

Where do you want this relationship to go?

I don't know if I can be of much help, because I feel a lot like you do.  I have been married to by wife with BPD for 13 years and felt like this for most of it.  I can't find a way to improve the situation and obviously haven't found a way out yet. 

Know that you're not alone and there must be something that attracted you to her in the first place; somehow, someway there's a good person under all the crap.  We have to keep revealing that person and encourage her.

I don't know as I kniw I can't continue as it is, but it is highly unlikely things will change significantly and any improvement will take years. I don't want to lose the realtionship as I love my SO, but I just can't see how it will work out.

Thanks, I'm sorry you feel this way too. The thought of 13 years makes me feel like im heading for an early grave. I'm torn between thinking there's a good person underneath and actually this is all part of the person -good and bad.