|
Title: Still lurking, Still confused. Post by: landj on May 13, 2015, 06:15:04 PM I am thankful for this site and am making a small donation (until I recoup some of my losses). I am really struggling with the idea that my exBPDgf seems to be suddenly thriving after leaving me this time. I feel like I may have been holding her back. We agreed our belief systems were too different. But just the fact that 2 weeks after leaving me, she seems to be finding soulmates and friends so readily, makes me feel like I was indeed part of the problem, even though I tried to do my best for her and her kids. I know I have issues I need to work on and I have been doing that. Some of the stories I have read on this site and others makes me feel like I almost have no right to be so hurt. The quote from the post below is exactly how I feel. Anyway, thanks for listening and for all the great posts that have become my only therapy and a virtual shoulder to lean on.
I struggle with this also. My ex is so happy now with "soulmate" #4. She is telling everyone including her family that she is the happiest she has ever been. Here I am trying to get my life back together (which is killing me), and there she is all smiles with sunshine, rainbows and fairy dust. How is that even possible? I gave all to this woman, and she just threw me away like a piece of trash. I'm dying and she is smiling. It seems so unfair. :'( Title: Re: Still lurking, Still confused. Post by: Turkish on May 14, 2015, 12:38:17 AM It may be had to process the fact that our core values differ from our Exes. How much was real? How much of it was mirroring to which we were blind?
My Ex's sister posted something on FB on Mother's Day indicating how strong she thought her sis was given everything that happened. I block my ex, but I felt like responding,."everything didn't 'happend'; those were her choices.'" My T put it like, "she's emotionally limited. This is who she is." You have a right to be hurt. And as for "issues," we all have wounds. I find accepting our own wounds the hardest part. Title: Re: Still lurking, Still confused. Post by: enlighten me on May 14, 2015, 01:59:26 AM My uBPD exgf appeared to be thriving. New friends, bf and doing lots of things. Now I look at how quickly her friends have changed. How she does the same thing again and again. How her family have distanced themselves from her and I realise its not thriving its just surviving. I would much rather be living my calm stress free life than be submitted to the chaos she brings.
Title: Re: Still lurking, Still confused. Post by: Infared on May 14, 2015, 05:52:42 AM It may be had to process the fact that our core values differ from our Exes. How much was real? How much of it was mirroring to which we were blind? My Ex's sister posted something on FB on Mother's Day indicating how strong she thought her sis was given everything that happened. I block my ex, but I felt like responding,."everything didn't 'happend'; those were her choices.'" My T put it like, "she's emotionally limited. This is who she is." You have a right to be hurt. And as for "issues," we all have wounds. I find accepting our own wounds the hardest part. This was my experience. My ex ran off from our home to new supply, denying any one else to me. Tells me she did not know that "this was going to happen"? My response ( suspecting the lie), "Well, what is actually 'happening', here". Silence. Her perception: she was lying, cheating and abandoning our 5-year relationship and it was "happening" to her. It has taken me a lot of time to digest and own that that is her self-centered reality. Yes, I was hurting like hell (deep, deep wound), but we have to remember that this person is sick. It doesn't make the wound any less, but it can help with the healing. God bless us all. |