BPDFamily.com

It's been a while.

I'm at a loss. As others have indicated, and I've felt comforted by the community of similar experiences, Mother's day was difficult.

I'm struggling with getting back in touch with my uBPD mother. For almost 6 months, we were by her choice almost NC. I reached out a few times, only to be met with rejection; however, in March, she got back in touch. See, my cutting off close ties with my mother meant leaving the shared living environment that I helped support. It's irrational, but I feel responsible for her bout with homelessness and eventually moving into an unsafe situation where she's at now.

I honestly do wish I could help in some way, I just don't have the resources to provide a place for her live right now. She's lived most of her life in desperate poverty and can't seem to escape. There are many factors that go into this: domestic violence, child abuse (her parents to her–while we suffered emotional abuse, she was never physically abusive), etc. I can understand what made her the way she is, on some level.

But I'm wondering what experiences others have had with their uBPD and poverty and how you deal with that?

I feel guilty about what I do have, and I don't like that either. Like I've somehow moved on and really have left her behind.

What's worse is I can't seem to convince her to take advantage of resources that are available—low income housing, food stamps, disability, counseling, or whatever—I'm not even sure about these resources myself.

Any insights?

You can lead a horse to water as many times as you would like but, you can never make them drink it. I have a BPD parent and go back and have learned to pull back when he acts out. I also do NC as a last resort to save my own sanity. Your mother is grown and has been for a while, as much as we would all like to help our parents and see them safe. There are some things you just can not control. My father was abandoned by my grandparents, and never had a stable home until meeting my mother. Although he suffered from neglect I had to realize I was not the source of his pain, therefore I was not going to pay for it. Sometimes you have to save yourself.