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Title: A different kind of grief. Post by: valet on May 14, 2015, 05:02:54 PM I have been in contact with my uBPDex the last couple of weeks, to get this started, and I feel that I have detached from the romantic relationship.
I've allowed myself, in both moments of curiosity and acknowledgement of pain, to look at her social media. This was a major anxiety trigger for me in the past, but now this no longer seems to be true. The following are my findings: 1.) I am no longer in love with her, but I still love her. I feel that this is how she must have felt when she ended the relationship. 2.) I don't know why, but my intuition tells me that she is done with the replacements, and that she will be for quite some time. In some inconceivable way, she will never not feel the pain of this. She wants me back, and will attempt a recycle in the next couple of months before I leave this country and go back to school. 3.) I do not feel guilty, and I will absolutely not let my boundaries be busted, but there seems to be a very big sadness here that might represent true, unmitigated closure. Finally. 4.) My previously poor boundaries will lead to more painful situations for myself and my ex. 5.) I have no regrets and no resentment. I will do what is best for my emotional safety, no matter what. Title: Re: A different kind of grief. Post by: dagwoodbowser on May 14, 2015, 05:24:55 PM Excerpt She wants me back, and will attempt a recycle in the next couple of months before I leave this country and go back to school. Wish you the best on this valet. Sometimes these emotions run deep and if things line up, your emotions or hers, the right glance, environment almost anything can happen. Guard your heart as well as hers. Title: Re: A different kind of grief. Post by: valet on May 15, 2015, 03:36:20 AM Wish you the best on this valet. Sometimes these emotions run deep and if things line up, your emotions or hers, the right glance, environment almost anything can happen. Guard your heart as well as hers. Thank you dagwood. I'm not exactly sure what I'm thinking today, but I feel very at peace with everything. Your final comment is interesting to me. I don't think that I can guard her heart. Could you elaborate on that idea more? If she were to initiate a reconciliation I really don't know what I would do, but I don't think that either choice would be a bad one. I feel very strong right now, capable of handling anything that is thrown at me. I don't think that her behaviors can hurt me anymore. |