BPDFamily.com

Since last posting on the board a couple of months ago, I've been doing pretty well.  I am looking after myself and enjoying life once again.  My productivity and performance at work has now improved ten fold :)  There have been some bumps along the way in terms of my xBPD BFF, however it has been manageable until now.

We still work for the same company.  I have kept my distance from her as much as possible.  I've worked hard at maintaining my professionalism and not react or respond to any attention seeking behavior from the BPD.  The acting out/attention seeking behavior had thankfully started to reduce over time, although she still continues to be hot and cold with me - last week she was friendly during an interaction I had with her, however this week has been a different story. 

She had been invited to a meeting by her manager in which I had scheduled.  Well, she decided not to turn up to the meeting... .instead, she arrived back at her desk 5 minutes before the meeting was due to end, but did not join us (we were seated right behind her desk).  She did not acknowledge myself, her manager or her staff.  Nor did she apologize for not attending the meeting.  We continued on with our discussion without batting an eyelid.  Her manager said nothing to her.  She then starts going back and forth from her desk to one of her staff members desk - her voice getting louder as time went on.  As I was preparing to leave, she got up from her chair and off she went to another department.

For the first time in a long while I found myself feeling anxious by the experience.  On the outside I remained cool, calm and collected, however inside was a very different story. 

Then today my team mate informs me that the BPD has instigated a bit of a witch hunt against him.  The BPD is having one of her staff members pick apart my team mates work.  This follows on from her staff member contacting my manager to complain about my team mate.  My team mate and I are very close on a professional and personal level, which the BPD is aware of.

This is the second time in the last few weeks where one of her staff members have contacted my manager to complain about my team mates.  The other complaint was against a team mate I was working closely with at the time.

There is now a growing list of people the BPD has turned on due to them being close to me.  She recently moved one of her staff members off a project that I was involved in as the staff member and I had become friends.  I have a good reputation in the company and have built up a great network.  What surprises me is that I've not heard a peep that she has badmouthed me.  I have enough people there to inform me if she was in fact stabbing me in the back, but there is absolutely nothing.  She is going for those close to me, not me

I'm finding myself fighting off heading back into FOG (FEAR) in light of this week.  Whilst I know I am not responsible for her actions in any way, I feel so bad for my close team mate.  He doesn't deserve what is happening now.  It hurts me as he has my back, protects me, and has supported me throughout the BPD saga.  I do feel that he wouldn't be in this position if it wasn't for me.  I'm angry with her and would love nothing more than to confront her about everything, but I won't.  It is taking all of my strength to keep quiet and ignore all of this.   

I can only think she is trying to get my attention by behaving the way she is, and that her intention is to get those I'm close to away from me.  I could be wrong, but it's like she is blaming them for me no longer giving her attention as she believes they are taking my attention away from her?

Would appreciate anyone's opinion and/or advice on this.

Hope everyone is well :)

Are there any laws against workplace bullying/harassment where you live?  You might be able to make some phone calls and get useful information, even if legal action is not possible or desired.  Also other advocacy and support organizations.  Maybe this site will be helpful www.workplacebullying.org/individuals/solutions/wbi-action-plan/  The good thing here is that if you seek confidential help, you would be able to ask them for advice about things like, if you go to your HR department, what are the pros and cons of disclosing to them what you know about her mental health status. 

And of course, document everything, if you haven't already been doing so.  I'm guessing you'd want to be able to prove, among other things, that her behaviour is personally motivated and has nothing to do with the work or your job performance or that of your teammate.

I don't know if you have an HR department, or how useful they would be, but that link I sent you provides tips for how to approach that as well. 

Hi Hadlee,

I'm sorry your going through this   eeks provided good information and protective measures and if she's not diagnosed I don't think that I would mention mental illness and I would focus on bad behaviors.

My best guess is that she sounds hurt in some way and is trying to make you feel hurt like she does.

What's the last couple of months been like between her and you? Has anything happened or she's been acting immature and passive aggressive?

Thanks eeks.  Appreciate your reply and the link - will have a read of it :)

Yes, we do have a HR department, and I have been documenting everything.  Management are aware of her mental illness in terms of depression and anxiety.  I wouldn't go down the path of exposing anything relating to her illness though.

I will continue to document everything and play it all by ear :) 

Hey Mutt

Hope you are well

The last couple of months I've been able to avoid her and her area quite a bit.  The couple of times I did go there and say hello to her, she was back to her hugging/flirtatious self.  Looking for rescue with her "poor me" attitude.  :)uring that particular encounter, she started off with nervous childlike behavior - then turned to flirtatious - then turned to name dropping to make me jealous - then back to flirtation.  It was quite bizaar lol  After I walked away she ran up to me and hugged me from behind.  First time she has done that in months!  

The following week my boss was in town.  We spent some time with one of the BPD's staff members in her area, however did not acknowledge the BPD.  It wasn't long before she had an outburst (telling her manager that she was "so angry" and ended up crying in a meeting room with her manager.  

Since then she went to work on another floor the afternoon I had a scheduled meeting with her staff members (2 weeks ago) even though we had a pleasant conversation the day before via office chat.  Then she snubbed the meeting this week.

Given the timeline of events, it could very well indicate she is hurt as you guessed she is :)  Seems to add up, doesn't it?

I've only seen her out socially once, a few weeks ago, and she hid from me lol  She did apologize for not saying hello to me at the function when I saw her a couple of weeks later.  She blamed my coworker, who I attended with, for making her angry.  Apparently, she wanted to talk to me, but my coworker made her angry

Hi Hadlee,

I'm well  *) I can see how difficult and uncomfortable the flirting and bizarre behaviors are in the office would be.

It sounds like emotional immaturity and she felt neglected because she may not been a part of the loop and her staff member was - a pwBPD have low self esteem and are insecure. It sounds like she could be hurt from the details you've provided.

Maybe she feels like she's not getting attention and she's jealous of your co-worker? It sounds like she's projecting her anger another behavior a pwBPD take to the extreme. I am sorry you have to go through this.

Thanks Mutt.  Always appreciate your insight :)

Her behavior/body language does certainly point to her being hurt.  Attention wise... .well, she isn't getting any from me.   

She has got plenty of supply and is still hanging out with the shiny toy, so I thought she would have given up on all the crap involving me.  Clearly not.  Hopefully, she'll eventually get over things and stop :)