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Title: How long till I shake this off? Post by: dagwoodbowser on May 17, 2015, 02:07:40 AM Ok. I am soo Done with this bs. I want my life back. I did my time, 2.5 yrs and gave it several tries. She's blocked off in all areas of communication, I moved over 20 miles from where she lives. I'm disgusted with even the idea of any of her toxic exchanges and heading into plus 70 days N/C.
I'm doing tons better emotionally and physically. No way I will ever go back to that poisionous, dangerous sitution. Thing is I can now go days without obsessing about her and then Boom... .I have one of those days where she devours my thoughts. I cant stand it! It's like I'm a prisoner in my own mind. Anti-depressants working well and doing therapy as well as these boards. Can anyone give me an idea how long till my soul and mind is freed from this? Title: Re: How long till I shake this off? Post by: once removed on May 18, 2015, 02:12:34 AM dagwood,
i feel your pain. in answer to your question, i felt clear of it after one year. depending on how you feel, you can look at that as a long time from now or a short time from now, im sure. it also may not take you that long. its possible it may take longer. even if/when you feel fully detached though, its hard to speak to potential triggers. i consider 70 days to still be very early. having said that, i think in this post alone you illustrate a great deal of progress. "Ok. I am soo Done with this bs. I want my life back." "I'm doing tons better emotionally and physically." "Thing is I can now go days without obsessing about her" "Anti-depressants working well and doing therapy as well as these boards." im thrilled reading this. give yourself credit. its not always easy to see our own progress, but as i stated, in your own words, you clearly illustrate it. for what its worth, youre ahead of where i was at seventy days. if i recall it took me five or six months to get there. Title: Re: How long till I shake this off? Post by: MincedGarlic on May 18, 2015, 03:49:28 AM Hey Dagwood, recent for me too after three years living together. I found myself awake again in the early hours of the morning ruminating and told myself to stop, that it was time for sleep and that I gave myself permission to think about her later. Actually worked. Perhaps it's worth a go for you too. I'm hoping that it will stop her running around in my head non stop if she is only allowed a set amount of time each day.
Sounds like you are heading in the right direction, at least it's about what is best for you now. What I find hard is that having set a firm boundary with NC for my own health, and after testing the boundary a few times that she realises that I'm serious about NC I'm now no longer of any use to her and immediately 100% cut out of her life and thoughts in every way. If only I could do the same... .Guess I'm not ready to make it only about what's best for me yet. Title: Re: How long till I shake this off? Post by: dagwoodbowser on May 18, 2015, 10:05:27 AM Excerpt i feel your pain. in answer to your question, i felt clear of it after one year. depending on how you feel, you can look at that as a long time from now or a short time from now, im sure. it also may not take you that long. its possible it may take longer. even if/when you feel fully detached though, its hard to speak to potential triggers. i consider 70 days to still be very early. having said that, i think in this post alone you illustrate a great deal of progress. Once Removed: Thank you for the kind words. There was a time after each B/U which typically lasted 3-4 months that I would just start to get better and she would re-appear. This cycle happened a few times and like a Pavlov Puppy after B/U 2 and 3 I would wait by the door in great anticipation for her return. It wasn't until the 4th B/U, burnt false promises, blatant cheating and far worse lies, a major incident with law enforcement as well as a mini stroke that something in me snapped. A sense of hitting a rock bottom reality that the person I had been helping and supporting, encouraging and supporting either couldnt stand me or felt so unworthy of me that she was doing all she could to push me away and punish me. I came to the point of suicide and at that moment I realized I was Done and done for good with this person and relationship. No more recycles, no more expectations, simply Done. Excerpt Sounds like you are heading in the right direction, at least it's about what is best for you now. Garlic: Thank you. Wish you the best on this difficult journey. |