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40 challenging days.  Yesterday was a very tough day and I am still off a bit.

I realized yesterday that the "recycle" or "revival" of a relationship with a PD person is not likely to happen when they know with certainty that you are unwavering in your decision to stay away from them and are committed to no contact.  Mine has many sociopathic traits and is unlikely to seek a recycle and wouldn't care if I no longer walked this earth.  He is that cold.  What I also realized is that if they know there is no recycle or revival or any shred of a relationship from ever being available to them in the future, then you must be destroyed. At least that's how my ex-BPD/NPD/ASPD (unsure?) approach seems to be.  If there is no "utility" of having you in their life then you must be destroyed in whatever way possible.  So, it is a discard with a shredder.  For him to engage in a smear campaign with a disturbed family member (that he barely knew and would have to take great strides to find her) was disturbing to me.  At first, I gave him some credit as having a level of sophistication that would prevent him from stooping so low but apparently I do not have a clue about what makes him tick and I am nervous about the extent that he could potentially go to try and destroy me. No, he would not attempt to harm my physically as his deal is psychological / emotional manipulation and physical harm is detectable and his ego with a high ranking law government job could be jeopardized.  However, he will continue to play his mind games, via proxy, to finish me off.  I called my therapist yesterday after I learned of the smear campaign and she said that is two narcissists trying to toy with you and you have to ignore them.  If you don't it will only get worse.  So, I am trying to shake it off.  I just can't wrap my head around someone taking a flamethrower to finish off whatever it is you held in the past and to try and assassinate a good person's character.  It is disturbing. 

Been there, done that and have the T-shirt. Congrats on making 40 days. This will get easier, I am at 43 myself and also had my character attacked in a cruel smear campaign. This is who they are and what they do. What a sorry excuse for a man.  Olivia, you can do so much better.

I'm sorry you're going through this  Some and not all pwBPD will have a distortion campaign. I think your T gave good advice. It's his behavior and not yours, remain radio silent and the sooner this will die off.

Thanks Beach and Mutt,

I just recalled a quote that says "Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer."  The Dalai Lama

I am going to buy this poster to go along with my t-shirt, belt buckle, bumper sticker, et cetera lol

Hi Olivia_D,

I like it  *) I can see how this is scary and intense. I can relate. My ex called me emotionally abusive to her and the kids and physically and financially abusive to family and friends. I like this quote that I think can be taken in many ways. For me it sent a message without spoken words or actions; it's enough with the emotional roller coaster and I take control of myself back.

Silence is a source of great strength ~ Lao Tzu

Mutt, Exactly. I have a new appreciation for why Tina Turner became a Buddhist.   :)

The smear campaign is the worst. I won't go into detail about mine but I understand your feelings. Being split to black is harsh and painful. It is the BPD's way of coping. I am not condoning their actions but understanding why they do this helps a little. I also understand how it feels to know they won't be coming back. I keep reading about BPD's trying to recycle or charm a relationship but I know for a certainty that won't be happening with me.

Just know that when they get bored they will give up. They can't commit to this for very long just like they can't commit to relationships or anything else that requires attentiveness that isn't based on them. Keep your chin up!