BPDFamily.com

I am currently in the cycle of non communication with my partner.

Every month or so I get the "I can't do this" after her being amazing for the balance of the month.

Trying to employ new strategies for re-connection - usually I pull away for anything from a week to 2 months most recently. Just come off an amazing 4-weeks where I was made to feel appreciated and loved to nothing in the space of 12hrs.

My feelings are that I don't want to smother her and find leaving her alone for a while helps but it causes distress for me. I care for her and I want to check that she is ok but am often fearful or her response or lack of response.

I want to be supportive and understanding but not sure quite how to? I have found the best strategy prior to send a message or email something like "Hey, how are you? Are you enjoying 'Blah blah' book?" (she loves to read so I send books to her Kindle) Ie. I try to send a message that a. conveys that I am thinking about her and b. trying to engage her without twisting her arm into talking to me.

I have only recently come to the forum and having been soaking up as much as I can- there is a lot here! I am very much on the cusp of staying or going in regards to the relationship.

*welcome*

I am sorry that you are in the cycle of non-communication. How has she been responding to your probes with the books?

Hi Mike,

usually well. But as the classic expression says I am "walking on eggshells" it's a tough existence.

I always am guessing the appropriate leave time as I am fearful of pushing her away.

Recently I had no contact for 2 months just to see if you she would reach out, she didn't. I also need this time to get my head straight.

I messaged her and then there was a tsunami of affection, caring, expensive dinners and almost daily catching up - actually seeing her. "I am so glad you got in contact with me again"