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I am overwhelmed by my mpthers behavior.  She has been like this my whole life. It makes me tremendously sad that she is capable of immense cruelty.   Mothing I do will ever be right. She is cold and unloving. Im not and yet it bothers me that she will never be kind or loving. I am a mother and I would never treat my child like does to me.

Hi browneyegirl

I am sorry for the circumstances that have brought you here but I am very happy you are seeking out support. Welcome to bpdfamily

Having a BPD mother can be quite difficult indeed. Has your mother ever been diagnosed with BPD or any other disorder? Do you feel like your mother in any way has ever acknowledged that there might be something wrong with the way she treats you?

Accepting the fact that you have a BPD parent and that your mother's behavior might never change isn't an easy thing to do. Many of our members (including myself) struggle with this acceptance of reality. Being treated in an abusive manner isn't pleasant at all. Could you perhaps elaborate a bit on the things your mother does to you? You mention her being cold and unloving which would be difficult for most children to deal with. Are there also other ways you feel she's being cruel to you?

Take care

Hi BrownEyeGirl,

I wonder if you've read any books specifically about BPD mothers; they've helped me immensely.  I grew up with an alcoholic BPD mom of the general "queen" variety.  She died 18 months ago, I went NC 5 years before her death, and I'm still pulling myself together.

Knowing what your childhood did to your emotional hardwiring is extremely helpful.  I don't have children yet, but I agree, I would never treat a child with the cold cruelty  we were given.  I'm finally able to understand that my mother wasn't capable of normal, nurturing love, and that it wasn't my fault.  It still hurts, but it doesn't feel quite so personal.