BPDFamily.com

I really want my relationship to work out. My girlfriend of 9 months is finally starting DBT and is on medication, but she has been suicidal for the past several years (and for understandable reasons). She was given a diagnosis of BPD and I'm about 85% sold on it - but I kind of feel like if  the abuse from her parents would let up, the  symptoms might get better.

Anyway... .one of the big things is, she has never tried to kill herself but often tells me she is going to, "you should break up with me so you aren't too sad when I kill myself," "I'm going to kill myself soon. Just lettin you know so you can make other  plans." I have no idea how to respond. When our relationship was in the early stages, she was a bit euphoric, I guess ,and so was I. She was also on an antidepressant, which she came off of due to side efefcts. She just started up another though... .I don't want to leave her, but I just don't know how to respond anymore.

Hello, liz5775 & welcome to our family 

I'm so very sorry for the stress that you are dealing with, and all of the pain your girlfriend is going through--and the pain you are feeling having to live through it with her. I do know what it is like to have a loved one who lives with suicidal ideations (my son has dealt with that in the past, for many years). It's so hard and devastating when someone we love seems to be on the brink of self-destructing, and we feel that we can't do anything to help... .

We have a Workshop that gives a good overview of what to do in circumstances like this: TOOLS: Dealing with threats of Suicide and Suicide Attempts (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=79032.0)

This Workshop discusses the problem of threats of suicide, suicide ideation and attempts in those with BPD.

The bpdfamily protocol for suicidal ideation is outlined here:

https://bpdfamily.com/discussions/search-info3.htm

How To Be Helpful to Someone Who Is Threatening Suicide

• Be direct. Talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide.



• Be willing to listen. Allow expressions of feelings. Accept the feelings.



• Be non-judgmental. Don't debate whether suicide is right or wrong, or whether feelings are good or bad. Don't lecture on the value of life.



• Get involved. Become available. Show interest and support.



• Don't dare him or her to do it.



• Don't act shocked. This will put distance between you.



• Don't be sworn to secrecy. Seek support.



• Offer hope that alternatives are available but do not offer glib reassurance.



• Take action. Remove means, such as guns or stockpiled pills.



• Get help from persons or agencies specializing in crisis intervention and suicide prevention.

www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org (http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/Someone)

Another link that can help you figure out what is going on with her when she is feeling suicidal is here: Depression and Suicidal Ideation (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=69192.0).

You probably already know that coming off of one AD and then starting another one takes time for things to regulate in her system... .She probably needs some time for the new one to "work" I would think, no?

I'm so happy you found us, liz5775... .We're here for you, to answer any questions you might have after reading the links above; we understand what you are going through, and want to help 

Hi liz5775,

I wanted to add my welcome to RaptReader's.

Rapt has provided a ton of very helpful information and links.  I hope you dive in and look through them all.  If something resonates particularly strongly with you, you can bring that point back here and discuss it with all of us.    As Rapt said we are here to help.

It really is important that you seek support for yourself.   Coming here and taking the brave first step to post is a great way to do that  |iiii.    

'ducks

I'm in a similar situation at the moment. I have found the only way to make the situation manageable is too be kind and listen. My partner won't ring the local mental health team like she is supposed to do on those occasions I have to leave her to it. If I'm at work I will respond to calls when I get a break. If I'm at home then I do my own thing and if she wants to join in then great, if she doesn't then I leave her to it but say when I will be back. In the past I have panicked, stressed, worried and staying in the house with her. I have now learnt to look after myself more. I would also seek out some support for yourself e.g a therapist and a friends and family support group. I found the 'stop being a care taker book' really useful in keeping perspective. Take care

Forgot to say... .there is nothing you can do to make her feel better. Harsh, but true. Just be kind and listen and look after you as it is extremely draining after a while.