BPDFamily.com

This is just an offhand thing I've noticed and I wondered if anyone else sees it... .

My SD10's uBPDbm has another older child with a different father who lives with uBPDbm's parents in another state. uBPDbm hasn't seen her daughter in ... .I think about five years. We took SD10 to see her sister a few summers ago.

SD10 has made the comment that everything is about her sister; it's the picture on her mom's phone, and her mom always talks to her, etc. It appears to me like the older girl might be the golden child while SD10 takes up the scapegoat role (since she lives with uBPDbm sometimes and her sister never does, and uBPDbm and DH are fighting over custody while the older daughter's dad isn't involved).

When uBPDbm posts pictures of her kids from childhood, she always picks these radiant happy smiling pictures of the older daughter and these frumpy pictures of SD10 (her hair is in her face, she's not smiling, etc.).

Have any of you noticed things similar?

Kids' mom often posts pictures of herself and the oldest as her main pictures on social media. Whenever there is a picture of the younger (scapegoat) child it's almost as an afterthought and you can usually hardly see his face because he's at some angle.

The thing I noticed with the pictures of my SO's uBPDxw and their kids is that she has them in what I jokingly call the "death grip".  She's always holding on to them and hanging off of them. It's as if she's thinking to herself "cleave to me!" or "look my children love me!" or "aren't we just the most amazingly happy family!".  She wants the pictures to project something that in reality they don't reflect. The kids always look a little uncomfortable to me.  

The child's therapist and CE both pointed out that BPDm wears sunglasses in pics. Hiding her eyes like she is trying to hide her true self to child. I didn't get that, and thought that maybe she just thought she looked better in shades. Who's knows?

I think that's more about control. When they take a picture they can't control who sees it, but they can control how much of them is seen.

I've seen that too. uBPDbm always looks so rigid and uncomfortable with her arm around SD10. It looks forced. Or it's "Hey, look at me, I'm being a mom!".

If uBPDbm posts a picture of herself with SD10, SD10 won't be wearing her glasses. Does her mom make her take them off to appear more attractive?

All of uBPDbm's facebook profile pictures are of only herself, usually not wearing much clothing, and they're almost all selfies (control). I think she has a touch of narc/histrionic to go with the BPD.