BPDFamily.com

Hi I am in desperate need for recovery . I fell in love with someone who has BPD I now know he has it I didn't before until reading all of their traits we met online and he messaged non stop I was infatuated all day everyday we finally met and it was perfect he was so open about everything to me.

He told me about his past where he suffered 10 years of mental abuse from his step dad and then went into addiction recovery for alcohol and drugs because I liked him so much and felt he was being so honest I stuck by him we had amazing dates, our first one lasted from midday to 11pm at night.

I felt like I've never had this connection with anyone he is so creative and feminine in a way that I adored, even recently before we split up he'd just buy me surprise nail varnishes and little decorations to put on my nails even writing this I'm sobbing our relationship has always been up and down if he started to get cold id question him and he'd get defensive and say he's not ready for commitment and I'd chase and chase him until he agreed again, he was extremely paranoid and insecure and jealous hed accuse me of having hidden men all the time and he'd go through my phone extensively even when I was sleeping he'd redownload my dating apps I had read all my messages go through all my photos at one time when we were seeing each and then he said he didn't want me anymore I went on a date with someone else even up until the past few weeks ago he'd still bring up how I did this to him.

He was so difficult and would never believe where I was but I just felt that's because of his really hard childhood and I just let these things go . He hated me talking to any boys and would make it extremely difficult to do so our last big row was when randomly some guy I was friends with a year or two ago randomly asked how I was and I felt like if I answered him and carried on the conversation on what's app my be would go mad and accuse me of having an affair so I blocked him but as I was sleeping he's gone through my phone again and said that this guy was a hidden man on my block list and I would obviously unblock him when he left me to go back to his house I went mad and was so frustrated and fed up I said horrible things we had a big row and he walked out.

On the same night I took something personally which I sohuldnt have his nan recently died and they cleared out her house and him and his mother which he's 28 and has an extremely weird relationship with they ar too close and it's unhealthy but we cleared out his nana house together and I helepd they were throwing a wooden box in the bin and I said if they were throwing it I'd like to look after it a week later he asked for it back and I said why as it was being thrown away I think he didn't bleieve that it was worth nothing and wanted to make sure and take it before I got it back it really hurt my feelings and I said his actions were greedy and then he went mad and walked out and said about the what'sapp thing and since then up until now he's been dangling me on a string saying he may have made a mistake and that he adore me but I'm poisonous and he loves me and hates us but today he has said over and over it won't change but it's because he doesn't want to.

I'm heartbroken I accepted everything he did to me everything he accused me of all his weird traits and me not allowed to get drunk around him or drink much I accepted all of it yet he's saying to me things won't chsnge I'm just broken he never accepts responsibility for what he's done once I was the one to end it he dumped me a day before I was going to have breast cancer tests I'm 26 and was extremely scared he dumped me the night before and then let me down again a few days later so I said it was over a few days after that he said he was so sorry and that he made a mistake misses me so much and I took him back after that and now 10 months in he drops me I can't stop pleading I can't believe this has happened he doesn't want me and I feel like I'll never be with someone like him again

I don't think a relationship with a BPBpartner will work out, soon or late they're going to leave you for good when they have found a replacement. I dont believe you can fix a BPD person. You need to keep your self busy with things you enjoy. Go out, talk with your friends and have fun. I know it's going to be very hard in the beginning but you really need to believe in yourself. It's the only thing you can do.

Hi there Butterfly, 

It makes no sense and it is unnecessarily cruel,  we have all been there... .I'm so sorry this is what you are going through,  have been through and have just discovered about your ex.  Finding out about BPD was both a blessing and a curse... .A blessing to have an explanation for the inexplicable,  a relief to know this was real,  that I wasn't alone... .  And a curse because everything I believed about our relationship and deep connection was turned on it's head... .it was a surreal experience learning about "mirroring",  lack of object permanency,  lack of a clear and stable sense of self... .I wanted with every fibre in my being to make it better for my ex,  but finding this website,  facing the harsh facts I knew that was majorly outside of my control... .I dont think I will ever forget reading the words "you have become a trigger"  for your beloved... .what kind of a cruel sick joke was this? There is so much to take in all while being in incredible emotional pain... .  the switch from adoration to running away makes no sense until we learn about BPD... .so sorry you are hurting like this 

Where did you read? I went on a date tonight I told him that I did to be completely honest it was never to spite him but for him to tell me to not go instead he blocked me from everything I feel frantic I just don't get how I can be so so in love and feel dead in this moment when he doesn't care what's the point? I'm so broken can you please tell me where I can read about everything?

Oh dear,  that doesn't sound good... .I read everything here over time... .And I bought and read a lot of the recommended books on BPD... .  Have you checked out the lessons on this board?

When I didn't understand a term like 'mirroring' for example,  I'd look it up in the search engine.  There is a ton of stuff on right here on this site... .

You sound like you are panicking now though. What is it that is troubling you the most?   

Welcome Butterfly88 - I'm glad you've found these boards.  Discovering that a partner has BPD clears up a lot of confusion, but it doesn't make the pain go away. 

Here is some of the reading you might want to check out:  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56204.0 (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56204.0)

How long was your relationship?

I feel absolutely ruined because I've given my all and it broke down in the end I just don't ever feel like I'll be whole again, it was so intense he did stuff for me no man ever has, he sent me a message this morning saying he is heartbroken and that he is sorry and he'll miss me forever, I just feel like my soul has gone

It was 10 months but it felt like 10 months of trying to convince him to stay with me it feels like so much longer im honestly broken I'd do anything to have him back but he just doesn't want Ithaca he says he's overwhelmed right now and just can't do it anymore and that he's sorry and that he'll miss me forever