BPDFamily.com

Today is Memorial Day (US) and also marks exactly three months since I gave my uBPDw a letter from my lawyer stating that I wanted a divorce, had a short but amicable conversation with her about the situation and walked out.  Three months out, I cannot remember feeling such peace.  I keep wondering what is wrong with me and whether I should be feeling guilty or something.  I am sitting in my own living room, in a small mobile home next to my parents.  The house is totally quiet and I can hear birds singing outside.  No one has criticized me, yelled at me, or made silly demands of me in, well, in three months.

In the past three months I have gone new places and done new things.  I have decorated my little mobile home with exactly the things I want it to have, without justifying it to anyone.  I'm not rich, but I have a few dollars in my pocket and can go out to eat on a whim if someone asks.  I have been on one date, a meet & greet with a very nice lady.  Things didn't click for her but we had a nice time and went to an outdoor concert venue neither of us had ever attended before.  I've reconnected with a dear friend (female and married) from whom I had had to distance myself because of my wife's irrational jealousy.  I've gone back to my office after telecommuting for a year because my wife demanded I be home to give her more freedom to come and go.  I'm enjoying a very pleasant get-to-know-you conversation with a lady I met in an online dating site.  Maybe we'll see each other; maybe not, but there's no one to decide that but she and I.  When I leave the house in the morning, I decide what time I'm coming home.  I go to sleep happy at night and wake up smiling in the morning.

I know that a lot of people on this site are going through some living nightmares.  I am thankful every day that even with all I endured I was spared some of the worst of what could have happened.  Thanks to my wife's sense of entitlement we are just now getting going with the divorce process even though I have tried to move things along.  She seems determined to drag things out as long as possible.  It may very likely get rough again before it gets better.

However-- I have myself back.  People tell me I sound, look, and act happier than they have seen me in years.  I find myself talking to strangers; turning polite comments into extended conversations just for the pleasure of interacting.  I smile at people, just because I feel like smiling.  I go to bed peaceful and wake up happy.

I have named my little home "Boayl Feagh," a name from the Manx language that means "peaceful home."  I have no connection to the Isle of Man nor do I speak Manx; it just sounded like a great name, and it is my Peaceful Home; my refuge from the craziness.  As long as I can come home to Boayl Feagh at the end of the day, there is nothing my wife can do or say that can take away what I've discovered within me.

I just wanted to put this out there today in hopes that it will give someone a ray of hope.  A year ago I had no hope.  I was terribly depressed, feeling overwhelmed and anxious, and seeing a therapist in a desperate attempt to figure out what to do.  Today I have hope, and life is going to get better.

Every day I am out of that home and that marriage is a better day.  Hang in there.  It will happen. Your journey may be much longer and harder than mine.  I hope not.  But we are headed to the same destination--the place where we are whole, happy, and free to be ourselves.  Hang on to that thought as I have.

Thoughts, prayers, and blessings to everyone on here today--

JediMaster

Good for you, my friend. Enjoy your life. You deserve it!

'No one has criticized me, yelled at me, or made silly demands of me in, well, in three months'

It's amazing isn't it!

I can already see the next stage of this though. For me at least my barrier and boundaries are through the roof. If a woman interrupts me, is late, texts to often, and my most recent reason to cut it short, likes Michael Jackson more than I find appropriate (kinda at all) I bail.

Everyone really does have faults, but right now, won't accept any. Any luck dating?

Jedimaster,

How masterfully you have done and are doing this!  Thank you for the hard work you have done. Thank you for the gift that is to yourself and to the rest of the world.  You and your success is a gift to all of us.  Today, I am particularly grateful for your success and your posting.

Thank you for fighting for peace and order for all of us.  A master, indeed.

Hahahahaha! I love it!

For me is like: I ask the guys I meet about their family... .if they report some conflict, abandon, kind of abuse, or stuff like this I just disappear! Sorry, but I get enough drama... .now I'm looking for some light!

Happy Anniversary Jadimaster, I'm very glad for you, stay peaceful!

Just the one meetup.  I was very impressed, but apparently it wasn't mutual. She was gracious, though, and it was good practice.  The last time I had a "first date" Jimmy Carter was President, so it's going to take a few tries to smooth out the bumps.  But I'm having a few chat conversations on the dating sites and that's been helpful.  The biggest thing is to remind myself my life is no longer defined by a relationship, or the lack of a relationship.  I'm learning to read between the lines of the stuff on the sites and hopefully look for people who genuinely have similar interests.  Right now I'm neither interested in hookups nor people ready for serious relationships; just trying to make some friends.  There seem to be a few people out there who, at least from what they say online, are looking for something similar.  If I find them, great; if not, I'm in no hurry because I'm having a fantastic time just living in the moment.  It's a great feeling.

I've seen it mentioned before on here that people who come to this website are oftentimes at the end of their rope, and it's possible that the overall atmosphere of the site is somewhat skewed towards worst-case scenarios.  In other words, many people who manage to get out of a BPD relationship do so fairly smoothly and don't end up on here.  I am so thankful my situation has not been one of the horror stories, and while it has definitely been no bed of roses, it could have been much, much worse.  I hope just sharing a bit of my post-breakup story might help someone hang on a while longer and look forward to their own time of peace.  It is definitely worth it!

BTW, for anyone who has followed my posts and remembers the mini-farm my wife dragged me into and then dumped on me--- for Memorial Day we had BBQ ribs and pork chops.  Best I've ever had.  You'd have thought they were hand-raised.   :)