BPDFamily.com

What do you remember as the first sign that your SO wasn't operating in the same universe or playing by normal rules of engagement?

For me, shortly after we began dating, after one of the weekends I had my parenting time scheduled with my kids (which she knew about), we spoke on the phone Sun night and she told me that she was "mad at me" for not being with her.

What?  I would have understood and appreciated something like "I miss you"... .definitely rattled me a bit.

When, after a few weeks of dating, I had 79 missed calls one night and she had attempted suicide (by strangling herself) with the ribbon she got from a boquet of flowers I gave her.

Whoa!  that's 10x more than I ever encountered. I can't even begin to process how you dealt with that

When I started seeing how fake she was, she would say she didn't like something to me then go and do it with her friends, she would also criticize people to me then go and hang out with them.

When he asked my opinion: "Should I start sleeping with my D9? My ex does, I'm afraid if I don't, D will think I don't love her!" (They were recently divorced... .BM def emotionally incestuous... .possibly sexually as well... .dad/ex... .was in constant competition)

When I was waiting for him to come to my place after his work... .he was being little late... .at 2.00 he told me he was having a beer, than he came and I told him "why didn't you call me before, I wanted to have a beer with you too" I was no angry, just little bit sad. Than the only thing I can remember is just him furious yelling at me... .for 2 hours. I'm not joking, 2 hours saying that I make him feel wrong. Than he slam the door and he went away, than he text me he was sorry and was crying, than he came back (yes at 6.00 in the morning!) but was still trigged.

Now that I'm writing it down... .I wonder why I didn' start to run away!

When he dumped water on his own head during one of our first arguments and said to me, "I knew you wanted to do it, so I did it for you!" 

He was standing in a doorway and I was sitting reading a book in the bed.

The worst part is it was a story I had told him a while before about my mom having poured coke on my dad's head for calling my sister stupid for flunking math.

The other signs were the inability to show empathy to my own disappointments or hurts.  Always defensive. Always critical. Driving badly when in an episode. Dysregulations, manipulative suicidal threats from insignificant things. Making stuff up in his head, that I said or did an action first. Blaming. Idolizing me, then devaluing me. Not being able to handle conflict or disagreements in a normal stable manner. His families lack of social ability... .I was always like I can't put my finger on it there's just "something... ."

Looking back now when we first started dating a mutual coworker warning me of his sensitivities... .I brushed it off as I am sensitive too, but his sensitivity is a whole different level! Wish I knew what BPD was back then

This is a very interesting example of how they cannot distinguish their own feelings from others. They feel something, but they think someone else is the root of the feeling. This is probably why they project so much. They honestly believe that what they're going through is because of someone else.

 I was at the beach with her... .a spot we went to all the time. It accidentally turned out that someone I had dated years back (who I had never seen at this particular spot on the beach), was sitting up behind us. I had left her (I believe now that she was histrionic), and I knew that it had hurt her and I was respectful of that... .

I told my ex that this person was back there on the beach for awareness purposes only and she elected to jump in my lap (I was siting in a beach chair), and to start squirming around I guess to childishly "Mark her turf"? What the heck?  I was embarrassed and appalled that she could be so mean and immature. I put an end to it immediately.

I had no idea what I was in for later when she ran off with new supply. Ugh!

Her mood swings. One time she misses me a lot and tells me she wants me, the other time she's very distant. Items she kept of her previous relationships, the lies she told me (I knew she was lying a lot), she still had contact with her ex, self harming (cutting herself, saying that she will commit suicide).

I noticed all of these things in the first month. I never knew anything about BPD but all these things are red flags. I'm glad the relationship is over, at this moment I really can't believe I used to love her.

I totally agree Hanging and  LonelyChild!

The lack of empathy. And the fact that if they feel something they think someone else is the root of the feeling. And a very strong projection.

And... .I ask... .do you notice a sly tendency to punishment?

because I did... .some kind of "if you are not with me you are against me and I will punish you somehow".

Lonely child... .

And to think I stayed... .Wish BPD was more openly discussed and talked about in society! Didnt know what it was but I knew there was something not quite right

@ Lilute: yes punishment is big. I like to call it idolizing me one moment to devaluing another. Or if I have an opposite thought or opinion or I do something he doesn't think is appropriate I get hushed, reprimanded like he is the God of our marriage... .And how dare I know how to do something better than him... .That's the worse, it would be so nice to have my husband be honestly impressed or proud of me without feeling some form of credit is due to him.

Yes... .the punishment was huge for my aftermath.  Also, she could only punish me once she was safely co-dependently connected to the new supply she had run off with. He helped with the punishing... .so I could clearly see how sick the relationship is.  God what an ugly ride.

I stood her up 3 weeks after I met her ( not nice ) and went to a bar with a friend. She was clingy and she kept calling my cell while I was out. I picked up and I got disproportionate anger  :light: and she had hung up. My intuition told me there's something not right here, her reaction wasn't appropriate for the circumstances. It was a glimpse at her personality that she couldn't hide from me anymore years later; she would often have borderline rages. I had no idea at the time that I had triggered her rejection sensitivity.

The very very first thing:

She said to me: "I have a habit of pushing people away from me".

I don't remember if it was a text/pm or on the phone.

Is it fair that I say now:  Why the heck did I not see this as strange?  Most things that happened, I was like:  Okay, just getting used to someone new and how they are. I don't wanna say I was forgiving, that would be the wrong word, but I was understanding and accepting to someone elses ways.

There were a lot of other things, that I see now, that threw up the red flag. But one that comes to mind is during my first visit to Fl. to be with her for three weeks. I'm sitting in the kitchen with her and her oldest daughter. I remember we were chatting, but Lord knows what I said, I cannot remember for the life of me, but all of a sudden she started banging pans and walking around in the kitchen just like an angry lion. I said to her daughter- Is something wrong? She said, oh that's just mom.

There were a few warning flags over the first 6 months but nothing bad enough to make me run for the hills. However, one time after her ex and her argued over maintenance over the phone, she cancelled our plans and wouldn't come out for 3 days!   This was all due to being triggered and shutting down. A reflexive defence mechanism of hers! 

It was when we first started seeing each other during the idealization phase. She would look at me and say "I love you more than anything". This was a  red-flag as I had to remind her that she had two children. She would also make promises to me by saying "I swear on the lives of my children". Nobody should ever say that, EVER.

She broke those promises btw.

Its funny the things we dismiss when we are in love.

Same with my ex, he used to swear on our daughter's live all the time, which was strange because it would be for silly, trifle things that I just needed a yes or no answer to. Lately he has been swearing on his nephew's and neices lives and is leaving our daughter out of it.

I ignored so many red flags because I was so blindly in love. I left my family for him and moved to a different continent, so maybe part of my ignoring the red flags was because I did not have anywhere else to go and was afraid that coming back home was admitting i failed. So instead I got stuck in an abusive 10 year marriage.

I totally agree!

I remember the first serious event that I posted before, but there were so many little rad flags along the way!

I remeber him saying things like... .I hate people... .I feel anger e eryday but I controll myself... .nobody can understand me... .I live a girl when I think she is not perfect for me... .and when I ear those things I was like: "auch!" but I was in love and I passed by... .and guess what: he finally told me I am no perfect for him and he left me!

I probably remember a few things right off the top, but one incident a couple months in really stood out as some emotionally wacky behavior.  Early on she would repeat to me that I would probably leave her within a few months like the others had.  Her H had left her for another woman and there were other abandonment issues at play with her parents and others.  After hearing it over and over, I finally asked her to stop and suggested she talk to someone about her abandonment feelings.  One night after she called me from work and repeated the same thing, I texted her later and just asked her to not say it to me anymore.  I then went to bed.  Well, she freaked out and freaked out big time.  At about 2 in the morning, she was outside my house calling me on her cell emotionally dyregulated screaming and crying trying to wake me up.  I don't know how I slept through all the ruckus, but a neighbor actually called the police but my ex had left by the time the police arrived.  I awoke to several missed calls and crazy messages on my cell from my ex along with a note from the police saying they had responded to a call about a distraught female.  I was like "What the heck?"  When I contacted my ex gf, she stated that I had hurt her with my text but played down the cell messages and the note from the police.  Regardless, it was all my fault!  Holy crap, I can't even believe that I stuck around after that craziness!  An emotionally stable person doesn't react to a simple text in that manner.  I get it now... .

I have no excuse in red flag spotting. She showed me straight away how she was, promiscuous, irrational and disregulated, from day 1. Friends and family warned me. I just thought I could bypass the bits I didn't like and just enjoy the good bits. Good bits got less and less, then left with a bag of crud. Oh well!

Mine told me more or less the same thing on our 2nd date: " I hope I dont push you away".

I was drowning in a love rush at that moment, so the only thing I could hear was "I hope I don't drive you away [with all this love I am feeling]".

I so wish I had heard what she was really saying to me... .

I think we overlook things in the early stages of a relationship - the infatuation stage. We tend to overlook flaws and look at the good things.

Very true Mutt, but honestly, in all my days I've never seen anything like this coming at me!  I was always happy to have someone feeling good about me and if something popped up that was out of the ordinary, oh well, just a ripple.  I don't think anyone is prepared for such an ordeal as BPD.  Maybe it should be taught in school!

I agree with you Dying Love

people need to discuss this more often! I mean its so easy now days for people to openly talk about their anxiety, OCD, depression issues, even alcoholics openly talk about why they don't drink!  I wish BPD was more openly discussed... .would have saved me when I always wondered what the issue was with my BPD H.


Don't beat yourself up about this one though.

I know a lot of females who state things like this... .me included, maybe I don't say it verbatim, but in my earlier to mid 20s I was learning my career, traveling a lot, and keeping all my friends from all over the world was difficult, so cultivating my friendships was hard.  I can see myself saying something like that, but more based off being independent and okay doing things by myself :) 

Let me begin by saying that mine was only just diagnosed a few weeks ago, after thinking that she had bipolar disorder.

At first, there were little things.  Not long after we first became friends, she immediately decided that I was her best friend, even though we hadn't actually hung out or done anything outside of work.  I went along with it because we had spent so much time talking and texting and had so much in common.  Less than two months after we became friends, she asked me to rent an apartment with her.  At that point, I really didn't know that much about her.  Later, after speaking to her boyfriend, I learned that she had also asked him to move in with her; this was after she had been dating him for a month. 

Later, after I came out to her and we established that we are both bisexual, she randomly asked me if I had ever thought about kissing her.  Eventually, this led to her flirting with me.  I expressed concern because she was in a relationship, but she didn't seem to care.  Eventually, I got so caught up in the excitement of having someone who was actually interested in me that I also stopped caring.  Then, there were major red flags that I thought about all the time, but I just couldn't walk away.  She told me she was in love with her boyfriend but then randomly decided to have sex with me five days later.  She told me I was "perfect" and that she had "waited all her life" for someone like me.  But yet, she kept choosing her boyfriend over me.  And she would always say something like, "Well, if you had agreed to live with me, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now" or "If you had come out to me before I met him, we would be together right now." 

Then, there were the times when she would make fun of me for being 7 years older than her and would make fun of my glasses.  Of course, there was also the change from spending as many as six hours texting me to getting annoyed if I texted her a few times. 

When on our 6th month anniversary she got flowers from me, then literally the next day (an overnight change) decreased our communication by about 90%, went through 2 weeks of barely talking to me and making up lies about why she was unavailable all the sudden... .then exactly 2 weeks later in a text told me that I was such a good friend... .and disappeared. Good times.

We had mutual FB friends, and I had sent her a Friend Request out of the blue. A month later she accepted it, and we chatted online for a couple of days and decided to meet.

The mutual friends were good people, so I assumed she would be too.

The first red flag was, an hour after I met her in person for the first time she leaned over the table and kissed me on the lips. Then she took me home... .

I thought, great. Sex and intimacy were the only things really missing in my life. But  as much as I wanted it, I still felt weird that she would take me home the first night we met.

The next day I got text messages that she was 'walking on a cloud'. It seemed a bit fast for that to say the least.

There were more than enough red flags on almost a daily basis after that. And she new her condition. She told me everything, without actually saying BPD, but I would not have know what that was at the time anyway.

I have only myself to blame for walking down the rabbit hole.

Ah, yes... .the lies about suddenly being busy and unavailable.  Funny, since mine was apparently just going home and smoking pot all night.  She went from never having plans to suddenly saying I was "clingy" and texting her too often and berating me for not considering that she might have plans.  Hilarious, since she once sent me 18 texts while I was sleeping one night and used to text me for as many as four or five hours straight.   

Just for the hell of it, I went back and randomly picked a few days closer to the beginning of our interaction and counted the number of texts we sent each other. Um, not proud to say, since I was a part of it, but we'd exchange 130-150 texts over the course of a day. Over the last 2 weeks, it would maybe be 5-10 texts per day because she was busy with work, friends, the phone died, etc. Frankly, if a woman I have never went out with lies to me about being busy and all that because she isn't interested, I'm alright with it. But if it is somebody you have interacted with on the daily basis for 6 months straight... .

When I got an audio recording three weeks into our relationship that was very sexual in nature (embarrassing). When I was hesitant in reacting, she began to tell me how lucky I was to receive such a recording and questioned my interest because I did not respond the way she wanted. I should have walked then.

In the first couple of months we had a bath together and somehow it leaked and caused alot of damage to the ceiling below. He said that he might get kicked out of his house because of it and if he does it will be my fault and he would never see me again as if he is homeless he would always remember I was the reason. He explained it was my fault because it was my idea to have a bath. (Turns out there was a hole in the pipe that caused it and he wasnt even in trouble for it)

When I took longer than a fee minutes to reply to a read message he would tell me I was playing games and being horrible for ignoring him.

Finding out he jumped from one person to the other without moving on first. Telling me also all of his exes were headcases and he didn't want any of them as official girlfriends and another time he told me he was dumped in his past relationships, has lied to girls about loving them to make them feel better, even the one he lived with for a year.

I wasnt in the mood one night so he sat w******g to porn right in front of me. When I said I thought it was disrespectful to do right next to me he told me to go home (at like 1am) as he wouldnt put up with me 'controlling him in his own home and told me he didnt want to see me again. A day later he invited me round like nothing had happened.

She asked me if I came to her place to watch a movie. She told me that her exBF left her, he had some of his stuff at her place. He was coming on the day of our date, she texted me that he was her and she's going to kick him out. First she told me that she was emotional, so I was talking with her and suddenly she jumped on me and kissed me out of nothing before I knew it I was doing her in bed while her exBF left one hour ago. I asked her well what if I had a girlfriend? She told me that she wouldn't know her so she doesn't care.

Later I found out that she slapped him when he was crying she told me that she lost all the respect she had for him when he started to cry. Now I have lost all the respect I had for my exBPD.

Yep.  Mine would text me at work, especially during her lunch or planning period.  And we would e-mail back and forth.  I'm not proud to say that we even sent each other sexually explict texts during the day.  Since we are both teachers, this was obviously risky.  But for the last few weeks, she wouldn't text me at all during the day, and if she did, it wasn't anything important or interesting.  When she got home, I was lucky if I got an "Ok" as a reply.

Several little flags were waving with my exBPDgf but I chose not to pay attention, enamored as I was with her hypnotic beauty and alluring sexuality. In the honeymoon, love-bombing, pedestal stage, she repeated things I had said as if they were her own thoughts, so little was her separation from me. She cheated on her boyfriend to be with me at the start, and it did not occur to me that she would do the same to me (she later did). She once got wildly jealous and upset about the smallest thing, and then later put me down viciously about it? She then mumbled under her breath to me, "All my boyfriends leave me... ." What did you say? "Oh, nothing... ." Sex was a fantasy-land, mind-blowing, dream world, but once I committed to the relationship, sex became a torture chamber of horrors. BPDs enjoy the chase, not the capture. Never again. My anti-BPD radar is WAY out there!

I couldn't have said it better myself.  She went after me, probably largely due to the fact that I was inexperienced and also in love with her.  She knew I would cave.  I tried several times to tell her that we shouldn't be having sex because she was still in a relationship with someone else, but she kept pushing me.  She didn't force herself on me.  If I would have said "no," she absolutely would have stopped, but she also didn't give up her seduction.  Her life motto was, "I always get what I want."   

hmmm good question I'd say the "stories" about abusive/controlling boyfriends...

She was always playing the victim which upon research I suppose she was a waif at least in the early stages when she was trying to hook me in... her boyfriends were always bad guys leaving her for other girls then magically taking her back down the road... .her boyfriends used to "fight her"... stories about how her boyfriend wouldn't let her leave her room he was so controlling yadadada... looking back honestly it was probably the opposite he was probably just a door mat nice guy being put through the ringer.

Stalker stories... How one man would stalk her at her work... stories about how guys would phone her off there friends phones... putting 1+1 together now she was basically saying she cuts people out of her life... then they either have to contact her from an unblocked number to talk to her or "hunt her down" for closure in person... .none of this clicked at the time but at the end of the day now it all makes perfect sense... she's just a different beast and I don't know if she will change anytime soon.

To be honest I never really analyzed what she was telling me as I never "planned" to really get involved with her at all it just kind of happened organically at least in my head.

Seriously? Oh wow. This sounds like one of those bad Lifetime movies.

Klacey: maybe you should have just  drowned him in the bathtub. Lol

Honestly, the way he kissed me…it was like he was literally trying to suck the life out of me…I clearly remember this and thought…it’s ok….but I think deep down even then I knew it wasn’t right.

Other early red flags, for the life of me I didn’t know they were red flags…I honestly thought “wow this man loves me so much!” when in fact it wasn’t “love” it was need. It took me years and years…and years…to take them rose colored glasses off and face the reality with no filters. I’m still working toward that real reality.

It always bothered me that I could never tell how my exgf felt except of course when she raged. I'm very empathetic and I can usually read and sense how people feel. With her though there was like some kind of barrier. I could always sense something was off about her though.

She's very health conscious like eating healthy and doing yoga yet she smokes cigarettes. I tried getting her to quit during out relationship but that was a waste of effort.

She has a cat yet she said she doesn't understand why people take animals to a vet. She also talked about how her sister killed a couple cats yet she's gotten new ones. That all had me going What the heck. I know now that her whole family is screwed up.

She was talking crap about her "cokehead" sister yet she said she understands when people drink while they use cocaine because it calms them down. I asked if she knew this from first hand experience and I got an insincere sounding no. I don't drink, smoke, or use drugs so that was alarming to me.

Another big red flag was that she had ended up in the hospital unable to even remember her name sometime before I had met her. The doctors thought she had brain cancer but she ended up being fine. She said she wouldn't tell anyone what happened except that it was her ex's fault, who she was still with when I met her and I was groomed to replace. I know this is true because her mother was helping her pay the medical bills. That one really got me wondering about her. This was on top of the numerous other bad things that she told me had happened to her like being date rape drugged, etc.

When the crazy irrational behavior started like the extreme day to day mood swings and push/pull, that's when it finally became clear that something was really wrong with her.

Well we had sex on the first date (my bad self esteem) and within the first week she was telling me all about her horrible exes... .childhood and sexcapades. I found out she was in a bdsm group, had a poly relationship with a husband and wife and had a child she put up for adoption... .not to mention she was hooked on drugs in her youth, raped twice.

I clearly was a white knight.

I agree with the other poster about when she kissed me she sucked the life out of me. After awhile I was so drained from this.

Yes, I got the same stories.  One boyfriend supposedly bashed her head through a wall.  Another supposedly took naked pictures of her and had them on his computer and later stalked her and picked the lock of her apartment after she broke up with him. 

This happened the first time we had sex.  I had never been with anyone before and had only ever kissed two people, and we're talking quick kisses.  For weeks, we had been flirting, and it's not like I wasn't ready to have sex.  I am 29 and honestly was just ready to get it over with.  But when she first kissed me, it was so abrupt and out of nowhere.  And this was days after she had decided that it was better to remain just friends and a day after she said that she probably shouldn't come over to my house at all because it might hurt me too much.  And her kisses literally did suck the life out of me.  After that first time, they weren't as intense, but they were overwhelming the first time. 

Later, she would text me and tell me that she missed my "sweet lady kisses."  I'm still not sure if she said that because she was trying to appease me or because it's something she wanted but knew would never really make her happy. 

The first sign was almost 9 months into the relationship.  We made dinner at my house one evening, I had some music playing on the laptop.  She called me up angry the next day because one song I had played was an obscure indie musician who had apparently known a friend of hers in college (not that I had any way of knowing any of this).  This apparently had triggered some sort of confusion or disturbance in her.  She yelled at me, accused me of being thoughtless, accused me of ruining her concentration on some projects and hobbies and threatened to break up with me.  Eventually she calmed down and I didn't know quite what to think.

The next day, she was away visiting family and called me to tell me she was two weeks pregnant.  So I thought I had an explanation for her bizarre behavior, and more important things to worry about, right?

The next day, she called me and told me she'd had a miscarriage overnight.

Her mental state went downhill from there, and I forgave, overlooked and was calm about all of it, thinking it was some kind of hormonal fallout.  This went on for another full year before I started looking for some other kind of explanation, and found how much her behavior fit into pretty much every BPD pattern.  Her time with me, and what I learned about her life before we were involved.  I'm still not positive if the pregnancy/miscarriage was real or imaginary.

My exBPDgf told me her first sexual experience was with a guy in a bathroom stall as a teen. She said it was horrific, and it traumatized her.

Never the less, I found out later that a couple of months before she met me, she had visited this guy and had an affair with him. She was married at the time, and the guy she visited was married too.

I asked her if the guy's wife new, and she said 'no'. She said she was not too proud of herself.

The first and only time she really raged at me was when I tried to empathize with her about this.

Quite insane to think I am missing this woman now... .

I think it was our third date or something like that. We had been fooling around in bed and afterwards she couldn't find her glasses. She lost her temper and got in a rage. When she eventually found her glasses she was in such a bad mood that she didn't talk to me for the whole evening afterwards. And this was the third time we met. It was also obvious that she was very eager to continue our relationship and move it forward very fast.

After this particular incident I remember I considered breaking up but instead I pretended like nothing had happened, hoping it would be a one time thing. What an idiot I was.

I told mine that we would have to drive to work separately because I needed to stay for an evening meeting.  Apparently, she had planned on me driving so she could put her makeup on in the car, though she never told me this.  The original plan was that she was going to stay over at my place on Tuesday and Wednesday and go home on Thursday--at least, that was what I had thought.  She immediately got quiet and gave me that look that says, "You messed up, and I am not happy about it."  At work, she barely talked to me that day, but she got all pouty when I was annoyed and stressed after work and didn't want to talk to her.  I tried to apologize for being short with her, and she completely ignored me and then later told me that I was being annoying and clingy.  When I mentioned this the next day, she acted like she had no idea what I was talking about. 

Two months after we became friends, she asked me to get an apartment with her.  I said no.  She also asked her boyfriend, whom she'd been dating for a month.  He also said no.  Then, she asked me again, and I said no.  When her boyfriend finally caved, she ended up having sex with me the night before she moved in with him.  That was also the first time that we had even kissed.  I had strong feelings for her and was very attracted to her, and she had already told me that she had considered leaving him for me several times.  Of course, she had also told me that she was trying to practice restraint.  When I mentioned that to her that night, she just laughed.  Later, after one of the many times that she chose him over me, she told me that, had I agreed to move in with her when she first asked, it would have changed everything.  And really, it probably would have.  It would have been me in a terrible relationship, and it would have been me trying to wrestle a pill bottle from her and having to call an ambulance.  Man, am I glad that I said no and dodged that bullet. 

Good question  ... .what first struck me was the way she’d take any statement - then determine how to use it either with/ for me - or against me.  That now seems a control thing, as in, her mood will dictate our communications.  

No matter how carefully I’d ‘craft’ a statement, she’d be the determining factor as to ‘what I meant.’  ... .and that was only the beginning

The thing is... .they show us right up front what kind of people they are... .but because we are sexually attracted to them we overlook EVERYTHING bad about them. Right.  Long before I dated mine... .and I was just lightly friendly to her in a seasonal work situation... .she was living with someone and having an affair on the guy with a married man with kids. The guy looked like Ronald MacDonald.  Did that stop me... .no.  WHAT was I thinking.

A few years later I am the guy she is living with who is being cheated on.  DUH!   

If I am responsible about the whole think... .I really made bad decisions with a very selfish, mentally ill person.  Why did I think it would be different for me?  It sure wasn't and she showed you that there would be nothing but pain and heartache there for you, too.  Right?

Hmm well he used to hit his head, rock back and forth and wring his hands when sad or upset. When happy he'd dawn a set of headphones and rock side to side making these weird grunting noises.

red-flag . Holy ghost

Some of these are actually hilarious. Sorry all, but what the hell were we all thinking!

Can you imagine if someone showed any of those behaviours now?

Wow, what a lesson we all got, same lesson, just cost some of us more than others!

I'm not judging, my ex told me out and out who she was, it was so bad I tried to comfort her with 'I'm sure you're not like that' or similar.

When people tell you who they are; believe them!

Amen to that. my ex actually said... "I am not the classiest broad on the planet". Why did I comfort her?   

Golden Arches  lol

You are spot on about the sexual attraction, I met my now ex in professional school. The fact that she had slept with everyone (including professors and married students  red-flag) and most of my friends, it didn't stop me from jumping in bed with her when we reconnected 7 years later! I thought being a professional and 30, she would've calmed down.

I think the first conversation we had during school was her telling me about working as a prostitute to pay for her way during undergrad. She would wake up with stacks of money and piles of coke in NYC.

The second conversation was about how she found porn on her dad's computer when she was 6 or 7 and it impacted her.

Here's another one that comes in mind, she told me when she was 16, she skipped school to have sex with her bf only to be caught by her mom. She ran away from home, lied about being 18 and spent the summer working at a kid's camp as a nurse (and got her first tattoo).

And while we were in the honeymoon phase she warned me that she had cheated on all of her partners.

Like Trog said, it's hilarious to think... WHAT WERE WE THINKING?

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