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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship => Topic started by: ZeusRLX on May 25, 2015, 11:59:23 PM



Title: What Personalities Did Your BPD Ex Cycle Between?
Post by: ZeusRLX on May 25, 2015, 11:59:23 PM
The ones I knew closely did as follows... .

Two were pretty similar... .had a very sweet waif side... .helpless, low self esteem, very sweet and innocent, looking for a savior. They didn't really have much of an aggressive side that I have seen, they would just cut and run if they didn't like something.

Plenty of difficult victim behaviors and refusing to be helped. When offered a solution would respond with a "Yes, but... .reason why it wouldn't work." Then I come up with another reason and then it just gets more frustrating for everyone. Can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

Anyway!

Another one had SOME similarities to a waif in the sense that she also wanted to be rescued. However, she was a lot more cunning, tricky and manipulative.

So she had this very sweet, caring and seemingly genuine sweet side... .then she had this cold side (which did a lot of the manipulative calculations)... .and then she also had this angry/raging side that was extremely jealous and controlling. She would switch those three sides and cycle through them. But she was a devilishly tricky and complex person, extremely manipulative and a sociopath.

All of mine though wanted to be rescued. Anyone have experience with borderlines that did not want to be rescued? I remember reading about The Queen and The Witch and The Hermit in Borderline Mother but I personally have not experienced those types. I suppose my number 3 is SORT of like the Queen (the manipulative side) in some ways but not quite.

Please share yours so we can all get better insight into this... .




Title: Re: What Personalities Did Your BPD Ex Cycle Between?
Post by: FannyB on May 26, 2015, 02:14:56 PM
To be fair, mine didn't give off that 'rescue me' vibe to begin with. Tales from her past sound like she was classic waif material, but I think she's heading down the hermit path now. She was determined not to be like her mother who definitely appeared to have 'Queen' traits.


Title: Re: What Personalities Did Your BPD Ex Cycle Between?
Post by: milo1967 on May 26, 2015, 03:41:58 PM
My ex-wife absolutely several sharply divided, discrete personalities:

The child:  baby voice, clutching hands beckoning me to hold her, childish sobbing if she was in any degree of physical pain, and above all, terrified of being alone... .**Rescue me**

The haughty queen:  assumed an authoritarian voice to anyone whom she perceived as "beneath" her--waiters, maids, employees, any service-workers... .

The cold, heartless zombie: staring at me with dead eyes, oblivious to my pain, utterly incapable of empathy... .

The sparkling, euphoric, charming little girl-woman:  this is what seduced me.  Over-the-top bubbling happiness, incredibly sexy.  Wonderful with children and animals.

Creepily there was no overlap.  She was only one of these present at a time.   The worst mistake of my life was not leaving on our first date when she was an hour-and-a-half late.  My downfall was my own KISA and co-dependent tendencies. 


Title: Re: What Personalities Did Your BPD Ex Cycle Between?
Post by: ZeusRLX on May 26, 2015, 03:50:42 PM
My ex-wife absolutely several sharply divided, discrete personalities:

The child:  baby voice, clutching hands beckoning me to hold her, childish sobbing if she was in any degree of physical pain, and above all, terrified of being alone... .**Rescue me**

Yes, I think most of them had that side. My waifs had this very strongly and the other one exhibited some signs of that too... .but lesser.

The haughty queen:  assumed an authoritarian voice to anyone whom she perceived as "beneath" her--waiters, maids, employees, any service-workers... .

There was a TINY bit of that one in one of the ones I was with... .

The cold, heartless zombie: staring at me with dead eyes, oblivious to my pain, utterly incapable of empathy... .

Yeah, I saw that side too. I mistook it for calmness but that's really what it was, lack of empathy and distance.

The sparkling, euphoric, charming little girl-woman:  this is what seduced me.  Over-the-top bubbling happiness, incredibly sexy.  Wonderful with children and animals.

Yeah two of the ones I'd known had this side.

One of them had this serene, euphoric smile, that is the first thing that seduced me. I also read somewhere that bulimic women get this smile. In any case, I thought it was charming back then and unlike anything I have ever seen before. Of course, I was right about the latter but it wasn't anything good.

Creepily there was no overlap.  She was only one of these present at a time.   The worst mistake of my life was not leaving on our first date when she was an hour-and-a-half late.  My downfall was my own KISA and co-dependent tendencies. 

Yeah, mine cycled to manipulate me. If the child didn't work, she would try the zombie, if the zombie failed, she would try the child. Whatever works.


Title: Re: What Personalities Did Your BPD Ex Cycle Between?
Post by: ZeusRLX on May 26, 2015, 03:52:00 PM
To be fair, mine didn't give off that 'rescue me' vibe to begin with. Tales from her past sound like she was classic waif material, but I think she's heading down the hermit path now. She was determined not to be like her mother who definitely appeared to have 'Queen' traits.

So you never tried to rescue her in any sense?


Title: Re: What Personalities Did Your BPD Ex Cycle Between?
Post by: FannyB on May 26, 2015, 04:35:58 PM
I helped her get promoted. I listened, I supported. (That rhymes!  :)) Tried to fix any issue that arose. She definitely brought out the White Knight in me, but ultimately feared engulfment I guess. She's been out with millionaires and dumped them - so she's a bit of a strange brew.    She was great for the majority of the time - contradictory and paranoid for the rest - but I can't say that she ripped me off or got into all kinds of scrapes. Bear in mind though we're approaching 50, so maybe she didn't have the energy for that kind of crap. She was just an outwardly perfect individual struggling to subdue her inner demons on a daily basis. Proper high functioning.


Title: Re: What Personalities Did Your BPD Ex Cycle Between?
Post by: Trog on May 26, 2015, 05:10:02 PM
It was just 0-10 of crazytown. She didn't really mix up the crazy, sometimes she was tired and it was rambling crazy, obsessive drivel about the exes on the low dial, other times she had more energy and it was super-paranoid and slappy, drive your car at 100mph at police vehicles, expose yourself To everyone, stand on the edge of a cliff threatening suicide then be annoyed your partner was frightened... .crazy.

And sometimes she was asleep.