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Title: How do I compete? Post by: chillilintroller on May 26, 2015, 10:36:49 PM "If you were Asian you'd be prettier"
What do I do? Do I find someone that prefers white people? How do I become prettier than another race to someone that thinks another race will always be prettier? I asked him to be honest and he was His ex is prettier than me Always will be What do I do? I'm an average looking white girl, I'm fine with myself, people would kill to be with me But I'm not interested in them I'm interested in my partner I've helped him a lot and he's on the road to recovery After he gets help and realises he can get a race better than mine will he just leave? If you find another race prettier, why aren't you with that other race? Why waste your time with people you're not attracted to? Title: Re: How do I compete? Post by: ravfour4 on May 27, 2015, 12:14:54 AM Ever think he may just have said that to get a rise out of you? Or in a fit of rage?
He's with you because he cares about you. He probably got angry and without thinking said what he did. Sure, he may think Asians are attractive, but he's with you for a reason and he's also not with some other woman who is Asian for a reason. I'd tell him it's unfair to say things like that to you and that you did not appreciate it, and that it made you feel bad. Title: Re: How do I compete? Post by: waverider on May 27, 2015, 06:39:56 AM First of fyou don't try to compete just to impress him, or he will use it as a tool whether it is true or not.
If these kinds of statement bother you, and i am sur eit would bother most people, they are disrespectful and needs a boundary. What would happen if you ceased engaging with him and walk away when he says something like this./ If you dont address it you will develop low esteem and self doubt. Title: Re: How do I compete? Post by: Ceruleanblue on May 27, 2015, 08:07:54 PM When BPDh and I were separated, he dropped the bomb that he wanted to have sex with an Asian woman, he also wanted to get into BDSM, and he wanted a threesome. None of this stuff he'd ever mentioned to me prior to marriage. Like you, it left me feeling hurt, and like "why is he with me, I'm white"!
We reconciled and he now says he no longer feels the need for those things. Personally, I think he's lying(which he does a lot). It's such a slap in the face to have someone say they want or are attracted to something you can never be(and I am perfectly happy with my race, thank you very much). I agree that probably ignoring it and setting a boundary regarding this if he continues to mention it. Heck, we all have fantasies, but us nons know that we don't share ones that could hurt our partner, or cause insecurity. I've always been pretty happy with myself, and consider myself to have good self esteem, but the "Asian" comment knocked me for a loop too. It's hard, but try not to take it personally. Don't let his lack of a filter make you feel bad. Title: Re: How do I compete? Post by: waverider on May 28, 2015, 02:48:42 AM Its not unlike you getting frustrated and blurt out I wish i had a partner who wasn't mentally ill. I am sure you would try not to do that, but I bet at times you think it.
Often they are just thinking out aloud unfiltered thoughts. |