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Currently my BPDgf and I are not on good terms... .recently moved in together and been fighting ever since.  Went as far as I took all my clothes and stuff and am currently staying with a family member.  It became toxic for both of us.  Yet I still want to work on it given space.  She was somewhat open to agreeing to have some space but as of late I noticed a shift in her behavior as in she doesn't care and has been ignoring some of my texts.  One thing I noticed is since a week ago she has posted a plethora of selfies to her Instagram account.  I was upset today because I sent her somewhat a heartfelt text message of how I felt to which she didn't reply to and just posted a selfie.  It's actions like this makes me wonder if she ever cared at all.

I understand how confusing this is, and how hurtful.  When our partner withdraws it doesn't seem to make sense, and we are left wondering what we did wrong and how we can fix it.  I've been through the same thing with my ex.  Fleeing and withdrawing are a common primitive coping mechanism used by pwBPD to escape the overwhelming emotions that they are experiencing - emotions they have no way of otherwise dealing with.  I'm sorry you're going through this.

Your ex isn't withdrawing because she doesn't care.  pwBPD are triggered by emotional intimacy.  It is the closeness of being with someone that causes all of these terrible fears and anxieties to surface and since they lack the ability to self soothe, they resort to an array of primitive coping mechanisms: splitting, withdrawing, clinging, raging, impulsive behaviors, etc.  If your partner didn't care then she wouldn't be triggered.  That said, it's important to realize that you are a trigger now.  Which means that you are a source of tremendous emotion and anxiety for her.  This isn't your fault in any way, but she is going to continue to push you away unless and until her emotions subside.  This is not something that you can control.  Unfortunately, we can't fix this, and that's very hard to accept.  The ball is in her court for now, and if you want to continue a relationship with her you are just going to have to give her some space and hope that she can get her out of control emotions under control.  There's no way to know when or even if that will occcur.  I'm sorry if that sounds grim, but I only want to be truthful with you.  BPD is a serious disorder.  Remember, however, that this is not your fault.  And it's not because she doesn't care about you.

The best thing to do right now is to focus on yourself.  Take good care of you.  Spend some time working out.  Eat right, get enough sleep.  Get out of the house.  Try and do some things that will nurture you.  If you can see a therapist, that would be great too.  You can also spend some time learning the tools (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.msg913190#msg913190) on the Staying board (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=6.0).  These will be the tools that you will need if you continue your relationship.  They will help you to give your relationship the best possible foundation to work from.

Again, I'm really sorry you are going through this.  I know it's hard.  Keep focusing on you and keep posting here.  We're all here for you.   |iiii

Oh man, you are wondering if she ever cared at all?

My experience is that they only care about what you give them. Seriously, dude, she never cared - at all. Yes, I know you want her to care because you thought she cared and you need her to care now but you can't force it. You need to accept that a person who suffers from BPD is not capable of such things and these relationships follow a pattern. It's like a runaway train - once it starts YOU can't stop it.

Please read the resources here and understand what this thing called BPD is all about. You didn't get too burned or too drawn in. Understand it, quietly feel sorry for her, mourn the relationship, don't expect any closure from her and move on so that you can start the healing process.

It's simply not what you thought. But don't punish yourself for a mistake - you didn't get to that point alone. Be strong and good luck with your healing, We are here for you.