BPDFamily.com

Hi all, so I'm 4 1/2 months out from my last physical contact with crazy, 2 months since any text exchange. I'm focusing a lot on my goals and what not and I'd like to start community college soon. I work for a rather large employer, in the sense that the stores are huge and their reach is far, which means opportunities for cross-training and store transfers. I really like the idea of moving to Seattle and I've made plans to transfer to a newly-opening store in August. I can most likely swing the cost of moving, and have found a couple of potential places to live, just need to wrap up some loose ends. I feel like I'd be more at home there amongst the ocean and the forest and would find a lot of like-minded younger people like me. However, the dark side to all this is the desire to want to leave behind my ex and mother (both BPD) and all the memories. I don't know if this is healthy and I don't know if I'd want to move had all this not happened to me. I'm undecided between waiting another year and just leaving and seeing what the world has to offer in a place I've never been.

Thanks guys

Hi disorderedsociety

There's a saying I've been told "wherever you go there you are."


Do you think this may be a move to distract you from everything that's happened and what you've been feeling? I have learned the hard way that emotions have no time limit, they will wait for you to deal with (experience) them.

What does your support look like where you are now? Do you have a T? Friends? Family? What would your support look like if you moved?

I have a roommate who is generally encouraging. He's 32. My only nearby family is my mom. I have a therapist but I haven't been seeing her long and could find a new one if I move.

It sounds like you have done a lot of planning thus far.

Do you have contact with your mom, what's that like if so?

What's missing where you are?

I have, and it feels right. I have a friend up there who can introduce me to new people.

When I talk to my mom, she goes on about how she could've died between my contact with her (a.k.a. guilt trips), blows up my phone asking when I work (blurred boundaries), always assuming I want to go to church services with her (attempted enmeshment). I've managed to set some boundaries with her so far and she throws a bit of a fit but it works out and in the end I have more self-respect and I believe this may even carry over into my future relationships with women. Who knows?

What's missing is everything... .The environment in north Texas is too conservative. All the people my age are already preparing to be corporate people and are just as lost as I am, though I like to think I keep it real. That kind of life isn't for me. I'd rather balance my personal life and work life, travel a bit and then make plans from there. I just finished my GED after 6 years of putting it off, getting my motorcycle license soon and plan on taking an Amtrak up to WA. I do know whatever issues I haven't resolved will stick with me, but I'm confident these issues will present opportunities to heal from them, as I've been doing lately with setting boundaries with people. Life will always give you the experiences you need to move forward, and I strive to take whatever lesson I can out of everything.

It's great that you have been setting boundaries with your mom. And you're probably very right that exercising your skills with your mother can have an effect on future relationships.

Have you had a chance to check out the Healing from a BPD parent board yet? The lessons on this board can be beneficial for you as well.

[L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw Board (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=7.0)

One HUGE problem I have is the fact that my ex's new guy lives literally across the highway and a few streets down from me. I see him in his car (career pizza guy ) from time to time and it brings up old pain and shame, not to mention revenge and beating-his-ass fantasies which I would never act on unless he came up to me and started something of course.