BPDFamily.com

Right now I'm wondering where he is... .he's been out of contact from everything for four days.I left while he was raging on me 2 in a half weeks ago... .I'm in some weird limbo... .trying to figure out what was true... .what were lies and manipulations... .I keep reliving every little thing from the last two years. The falsa accusations... .never following threw with any thing. The sabatoge... .the raging at me... .devaluing me... .then putting me on a pedistal.He is defineatly splitter... .a he pushed me... .threw things at me.it was crazy... .I knew something was off the whole time... .the sad thing is now that in the last week I've figured out he'spprobably BPD... .and I feel like his feelings for me weren't real... .  how could that be?  This is pure torture... .I can't believe the pain I'm in and I can't help wondering if he's missing me but from what I understand... .he's probably hating me... .blaming me... .This is so twisted... .this is so sad... .this is so not fair... .This is so selfish... .What really sucks is thatiI've come to the realization my ex husband of 24 years was NPD... .That's why that ended... .And I landed straight into the arms of  a BPD... .I hate feeling sorry for myself too... .And I seem to be stuck there right now... .And disbelief... .But I also am so worried about my BPD bf   i just want to tell him I do understsnd ... .i get it... .you have BPD ... .it makes since now... .cause  after everything... .my love for him is real... .but I'm just leaving him alone. Staying away... .so hard... .but I feel like I have no choice anymore... .:'(  I'm tired ... .trying to move on... .with heavy heart and soul... .my fear is that I'm not gonna believe someone if they ever tell me they love me again... .words... .thanks for listening... .

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Be kind to yourself and know that so many of us have been there. Not that that makes it easier, of course. You are doing the right thing, most likely. If your BF was in a better place, where you were not being painted black, you'd hear from him. I went through a recent separation from BPDh, and we reconciled, but I know he badmouthed me to his family that whole time. He's now diagnosed, and doing much better, but it's ME that lives with the fallout of that. I cringe inside every time I go around his family, because they don't see the real him, and he painted me black to them with his skewed perception and outright lies. I'm talking his extended family.

Hang in there, and come here often. It'll be a help.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting, shattered. I have been where you are, also. I didn't understand... .I didn't know what was going on. This place has helped me so much with support, people who understand, important information and lessons... .

Try to take of yourself right now. <3

Thank you every one... .It does feel better to get it out... .I sent him  a text saying that I thought he had BPD. A link to this site... .that I needed to heal and I need to get my stuff at some point and I forgave him and love him... .then I went on FB and went out of a rrlationship with him. That was so hard... .he must have read my text cause suddenly after a week.of just dissappearing from everything he show up on Messenger. Looks at a angel sticker I sent 2 weeks ago... .No response... .except hours later he unrelationships me... .except it still says he's in a relstionship... .just no name... .I'm thinkin great I've been replaced or that's what he wants me to think. The silent treatment is so hard... .And why do I care?  That's what's eating me alive... .why am I so worried about a man that treated me so badly?  I should be jumping for joy... .I guess I just need more time... .I'm just so sad... .hugs   and prayers