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Title: Does couples/relationship therapy help? Post by: Loosestrife on May 31, 2015, 06:11:25 AM Hi,
I have a very insightful pwBPD who has started group therapy and now wants to go to see a relationship therapist together as a couple. We both agree that the main issue is my pwBPD can't control anger. Im not really sure what going to a T together will achieve. I use SET /other tools regularly and understand that it is not directed at me, but the emotional fall out for my SO is enormous and long lasting. We both acknowledge each other feelings and eventually things blow over after a break. Has anyone else found coulples therapy helpful and how/why? Thanks Title: Re: Does couples/relationship therapy help? Post by: Ceruleanblue on June 01, 2015, 12:04:48 PM My BPDh and I started MC about a two months ago. I think it's helped quite a bit. BPDh is also in DBT, and it seems to be helping. He has most symptoms of BPD except suicidal ideation, but it was his anger that I found hardest to live with. The DBT seems to be helping with his BPD symptoms, but I feel MC is helping with his boundaries and learning how to deal with his angry(and likely PD) adult, grown kids, who've been a huge issue in our marriage. I think it depends on the couple, and the pwBPD, in how effective MC will be.
As your pwBPD sounds receptive to it, I'd give it a try. My motto is keep trying things, and find out what works. Title: Re: Does couples/relationship therapy help? Post by: formflier on June 01, 2015, 03:57:49 PM Yes... .it has the ability to help. Even if you "just" learn better communication skills... .that is good. Don't expect it to go fast... .just expect to get together and communicate... .understand how your actions affect the r/s in positive and negative ways. Don't focus on how your partners actions affect it. FF Title: Re: Does couples/relationship therapy help? Post by: Loosestrife on June 01, 2015, 08:55:57 PM Thanks both
Title: Re: Does couples/relationship therapy help? Post by: married21years on June 02, 2015, 01:33:01 AM yes helps with communication and self esteem and CBT was employed, but there were lies in session. this caused problems in itself.
you will also hopefully learn to stay calm and validate. Title: Re: Does couples/relationship therapy help? Post by: gomez_addams on June 02, 2015, 03:04:19 AM Our first try at MC seemed good, until the counselor (great one, IMO) struck a chord with her. He got her to open up about something, and she never went back. Had a migtlraine three or four sessions in a row and had to cancel.
The second round was the worst time in my life. I had just learned about BPD, and was in the early stages of trying to learn the tools. Worst. Experience. Ever. The MC would give an exercise, and the stbx uBPDw would critique me for trying it. I was disappointed that we stopped going to the first one. Was relieved when uBPDw demanded we stop going to the second one. In hindsight, I probably should have burned some vacation time and went to uBPDw's home state to sit in with her T (DBT, from eating disorder treatment). That might have been productive. In hindsight, if I had bought shares of Wal-Mart thirty years ago I never would have met her because I'd have been on my yatch that evening. Oh, well. Gomez |