BPDFamily.com

I'm struggling today and have been for the past couple months. It's been exactly a year from my breakup from my uexBPDgf. It's been extremely difficult just getting back on my feet. She has been dating someone for over 6 months and took custody of our puppy. The new guy is super successful(meaning seemingly normal) and I hate comparing but it just seems like she got away scott free and I'm left picking up the pieces. She's been trying for the past year to get me to take her back. While the dream of having a great relationship surfaces from time to time. I cannot forget the craziness that I went through and therefore ultimately do not want to reconcile. We have had contact here and there(probably holding me back.) She sent me a message asking if I liked a band 3 weeks ago. Then about 10 days ago sends a selfie to me at midnight on a Saturday. Followed by an email the next morning saying, "oops that was meant for my sister to check out my new hairstyle. So sorry and embarrassed, please delete." She's been saying the balls in my court, but really I feel she's the one that messed up and it's really left me no choice. Plus she's with someone! I think I dwell on relationships too long... .takes me a while to process I guess. And in that time I've pretty much surmised that she prob had the replacement lined up(she would say things like - "the replacement" I see on my commute every morning likes me more than you -when she was drunk one night)  Kicked me out to try this other guy out. Doesn't want to lose me completely so continues to keep lines of communication open. If I'm being honest with myself, I know this will never work. Her family are all strange strange self absorbed people that I never enjoyed being around. Crazy vibes throughout. I might of been asked a few direct questions about my life in the 7 or 8 weekends I spent with them. All these things add up to telling me I"m better off... .Still have  a block of getting past the good times.

Another thing that troubles me is that she still likes pictures of my friends I introduced her to and my friends like her pictures on instagram. I know extremely petty. But for some reason it really hurts to see her get superficial affirmation from my friends. I mean my friends know the story of her kicking me out and I've opened up to them about our relationship yet they still continue to buddy her on social networks. I guess I don't get it. Some of my friends have literally only met her once or twice and one old friend who has never met her! I know this stuff doesn't mean much in real life, but it hurts me to see my friends continue to keep up with whats going on in her life.

As long as I'm getting everything off my chest. Another thing that bugs me is one of my closest friends got a puppy from the same liter as our puppy, so they have continued to have this relationship behind my back. I know they talk but won't admit it. I know that it's selfish to ask my friends to stay clear, but I feel like I'm going to eventually lose this dear friend over this. Maybe as I mature more this won't be an issue. Right now it feels like I got the raw end of the stick. And not to mention I was the one who picked out the breed, trained the hell out of the dog spending every minute with her and now she has this very well behaved dog with her new boyfriend and my friend has a beautiful dog and I'm left with nothing. Just writing this I know sounds incredibly selfish. Just how I feel right now.

Thanks for listening. Please knock some sense into me so I stop this whining and wallowing in my self pity. It's been a tough year.

I am sorry for all that you are struggling with. Given the time and effort that you spent with the dog, I can imagine that you formed an emotional bond and are grieving the loss of it, too.

I certainly understand the feeling that she got away "scott free." That sentiment comes up on the boards often. However, I noticed that you said that:


This all suggests to me that the relationship with the "super successful" guy isn't so super.

It also sounds like you are somewhat down on yourself for grieving the loss of this relationship, but it sounds like you have good reasons to be grieving to me.