BPDFamily.com

Hello!

Last year, nearly at this very time, I found this board to help cope with the separation anxiety that comes from breaking away from my Borderline ex. I found it very useful and am glad others can find strength in coming here to see that like-minded individuals are out there.

For 3 consecutive nights, I have had fairly lucid dreams about her. I feel that coming back here for a time might help put what I went through into perspective.

I want to see if anyone out there can feel a kinship... .so I will write out my story in brief bullet points.

* My ex, I will use the letter M for her, is a beautiful woman with a way of talking that I found endearing when we started dating 8 years ago. We both were in awful marriages and found solace in each others company.

* M was always an awkward drunk, but I would never classify her as an alcoholic---until about 5 years ago. Her volatility and aggressive demeanor became omnipresent at gatherings. Friends commented on this frequently.

* What I was unaware of was that M was dating a professor in the department at the local university for which she was the secretary. It started about the same time her drinking and verbal-physical abuse of me started to become a problem.

* When I posted here a year ago, I originally called this other man Professor Superman. But from his own daughters I got a much different picture. He beat his ex-wife, was a notoriously awful drunk and abused his daughters. He has a long resume of bullying and abusing women. My friends and I then started to call him Emperor Palpatine--which is funny because his last name sounds similar to that Star Wars bad guy.

* I always suspected M of lying to me about other men... .and other subjects. I caught her many times contradicting herself. But I loved her and tried to see the good all the time----sound familiar?

* 3 years ago, during one of our No Contact periods, she filed a bogus restraining order against me. The judge essentially rubber stamped it without a single incident being listed. It was dropped after we started talking again. She has also, during her drunk Borderline interludes, accused me of beating and sexually assaulting her. The local police know her (and me!) well enough to know that she has a severe mental disorder---and that there is not only no proof of me committing these acts, but that the accusations are fueled by her Borderline.

* She has a court date for her second DUI in 3 years coming up. This second charge was because she was so infuriated with me that she got in her truck drunk and drove over to my house. I was not home, but she called me to tell me she was coming over. And then she drove right by me on the way to my house. I called to police who found her a block away in a parking lot.

* When I found out about her deceptions last year, I had started to get away from her. But by October she had sent out overtures and I foolishly listened to them. I told her she had to fulfill 3 criteria if she wanted me back:

1. Quit drinking

2. Get serious mental health counseling.

3. Stay away from Palpatine

She has done none of those things. And despite facing jail time for a 2nd DUI, as far as I can tell she is drunk nearly every night of the week.


* Her typical stalking method is to drive around the area of town (We live in a small college town) she knows I walk through. It is fairly close to her apartment. I call it the "Revolution Theory". I plan on making a thread about this. If she sees me walking around, she will drive by me and then make a complete 360 around the block to see me a second time. I have caught her doing this on multiple occasions.

* All of you know exes use social media to track us. I do not have a Facebook and serious have limited my access to Twitter. This past Saturday I put up a pic of me at our local gardener's market on Twitter and 20 minutes later---M lives close to the locale---she was there.

* The last thing I will share in this post is the line from a song: You never call me when you're sober. Every attempt to talk to me in 2015 has been when she is drunk. Most likely Palpatine, and possibly other men she is screwing around with, have all shot her down. Not only am I a drunk option, I probably was the 3rd or 4th option! And she not only will call 30+ in an hour, but if she is angry she can rattle off over 100 texts that are nothing but insults. It is sad.


--- So, this is me coming back here. Maybe this should have been in the introduction section. I have been here before. And my guess is all of you will laugh at the similarities between my story and yours.


I do still love her. And I do miss her. But she is the worst thing on Earth for me. Without respect, no relationship can flourish. Borderlines need to decimate the ones they love in order to protect themselves from rejection and abandonment. All of our love cannot change that.

This is the hard truth we all face. Stay away or slowly die under their abuse and torment. Hopefully, we all make the right choice.

Thank you for reading me.

Glad you are here, Overbeck, and like all of us, I am sorry you have the need to be here.  Sounds, however, like you already know the truth:  stay away or slowly die under their abuse and torment.  Both options suck but staying away sucks less and sucks in the short-term.  Short-term pain for long-term gain.  For me, anyway. 

In fact, the further I get away the less staying away sucks.  It is starting to actually feel pretty good. 

Glad you are here.  Keep on posting!

RML,

Thank you.

We all want to love and care for those who are hurting. But Borderlines use their hurt as a trap. The only way we get better is not falling back into the trap. Easier said than done.

Hey Overbeck, There are certain common threads to every BPD r/s and I can relate to yours.  Let's review the red flags:

-- She is a sloppy drunk  red-flag

-- She was sleeping with someone at the office  red-flag

-- She lied to you on a regular basis  red-flag

-- She filed a bogus restraining order against you  red-flag

-- She stalks you by driving around your neighborhood  red-flag

-- She calls 30x and sends 100 insulting texts  red-flag

-- She's been arrested for a second DUI  red-flag

-- She stalks you on social media  red-flag

You get the idea.  You are doing the right thing by leaving.  It's hard, I know, but will lead to greater happiness.

LuckyJim

Thanks for sharing. Sounds like you are getting very clear on everything.

I have my moments when I feel I can relapse. Last night was such a moment.

It is important for all of us that want to break the chain to remember that the 98% bad outweighs the 2% good. For me, no matter how much I miss her the pain, treachery and turmoil simply is not worth it.

No doubt.