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I had this thought last night at about 3:00 am (insomnia was flaring up again 

I'm currently reading the book Stop Caretaking the BPD / NPD. My thought was this:

If the unBPD blames me for everything its projection. What if you accept the blame and tell them you're trying to learn why your behave the way you do. Start bringing home these books like the Stop Care Taking one and encourage them to read it to help you improve yourself. The unBPD will read it thinking it's about you but may realize that a lot of what's happening is because of their emotional instability and actions.

It was just a thought. Sometimes I come up with brilliant ideas at 3:00 am and others not so much. I was just curious if anyone had tried this before. Sort of a reverse psychology method.

I can see a lot of pros but also a lot of cons to it.

Hi Hmcbart,

not sure this is a good idea. Instead of communicating we communicate through clues that we expect the other side to pick up. I hate that when it is done to me.


Would that not distort perception of reality further?  It boils down to game playing with no solid battle plan (may realize... .) and pwBPD are generally better game players.

It may be tactically brilliant but personally it would cross my boundary of not resorting to BPD like manipulation. It can be successful but it is a dangerous game where outcome trumps means. In the overall scheme of things it would be a step back from restoring self respect and respect in the relationship.

Not all ideas at 3am are brilliant - I had a few myself  *) - brain works with fewer limits at certain times. One aspect that distinguishes us from a pwBPD is that we reflect again in broad daylight.


What would be less problematic is to admit that you are having a high level of conflict in the relatonship - without taking or assigning blame - and brining in a targeted book (e.g. The high conflict couple - which deliberately avoids the word BPD) to work on communication.

And that's why I get other opinions. Sleep deprived can affect judgement. And you are very correct on the game playing. Sometimes I get into problem solver mode and come up with way outside the box stragogies.