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Ive been hearing the same advice from many sources family, friends and life coaches or psychologists all insisting how toxic this woman is I have in my life, and all letting me know how destructive she is. For some reason i have been ignoring their advice.



Well today, I saw another friend of mine, and when she told me to ask myself where i thought i would have been 5 years ago, had I not intersected with this woman (and another toxic woman before her), it really made an impact on me. Now, i knew this before, but I wasn't taking things seriously. ive been 'allowing myself to accept this new kind of reality' where i put myself second to my ex's demands, and allow the her to control- and manipulate me, to be emotionally abused. For too long this has been going on.

I do hope I am able to hang onto these emotions I am feeling because they really help to motivate me to make the changes I need.

I am glad you are gathering strength. For me it was hearing from my expbdgf's ex husband. He and I met because they have kids together. We are actually still friends today. When the breakup happened he told me that he knew it was coming because she "has a pattern". It was then that I realized that I was not special to her. This was not intended to me individually. It was just something that she does because of who she is. It didn't make all the pain go away but it did help me to understand that these lonely damaged people just can't have an actual relationship with anyone.

Best of luck to you and I hope you find peace and happiness.

It’s taken me awhile to figure out the same, good for you.  Also, how (the hell) do I keep from repeating the same mistake... .?  I feel it’s a lack of self esteem on my part, but that stuff’s hard to build, especially on our own. 

Perhaps becoming instantly angry when coming into contact with someone who reminds us of someone who's taken advantage of us in the past might work... .?  I’ve finally developed an eye for such deceptive and controlling behavior.  But honestly, I’m shellshocked ... .almost fearful of reaching out ... .knowing my odds of latching onto another user/ abuser

So, I’m attempting to get all my S-t in order, first.  Then approach the next opportunity (for love) from a position of experience and, dare I say, power(!).  Tuff talk, hungh?  Well, if we don’t begin to view ourselves with some major worth we’re likely to repeat previous mistakes … thus making a lot of this crap our fault. 

And, if we’ve fingered the problem, we only need fix it |iiii

... .and again, I'm impressed with Arcturus81's insight.  The Thread likely exists, but you mentioning having formed a friendship with your BP's ex is something I find fascinating.  I've often wished I could have done the same ... .must drive the BP (further) insane, nice work :)

It does, Inside. I also helped her ex husband meet his current girlfriend. Drove her insane when I introduced them. They both were immensely helpful during the breakup and helped me see a lot of things I was actively ignoring. Wonderful people they are.

That is wonderful news, and Im glad you are able to have the compassion to interact with others in such a way. I also want to cultivate such love for others in my life, and embrace the fact we all looking for similar things, even when at times we are 'in competition' for each person when it comes to exclusive relationships.

Im re-reading the material from my new perspective.