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Okay,  specifically I am thinking about subtle types of abuse,  aggression,  rough handling of children, pets,  statements regarding punishment "they could do with a good slap",  impatience,  intolerance and a general demeanor of frustration that things are not going their way... .

I think I have managed to rationalise other peoples (even nons) unacceptable behaviour all my Life. Post BPD relationship my tolerance is at an all time low,  I think this is good.  Can anyone relate to seeing passive abuse/aggressiveness everywhere?

Just to add,  I think my belief now is that abuse always escalates... .I hope I'm making myself clear.  Would appreciated your comments /thoughts.  Ta   :)

You know this statement "for every rat you see,  there's 50 you don't"... .That these subtler attitudes/behaviours may be revealing a whole lot more than I might have previously thought... .

Yes. I you are the one doing the mistreating... .I guess it can be casual. If you are the person receiving it... .it's never casual. :-)

I'm fairly conscientious and I am guilty of assuming that others are too, that they are exercising good self restraint even if they are having a bad day... .because they are adults (I know,  I know,  ha ha ha)

Hold the train... .

Subtle types of abuse?

What you have described (aggression, rough handling of children and pets, verbal abuse, etc:) is unacceptable.

ESPECIALLY when someone is putting their hands on children OR IMPLYING that someone should put hands on children... .

This could escalate QUICKLY and DANGEROUSLY.

I would get away from this person AS FAST as possible.


I don't know if I have a heightened awareness or a ZERO tolerance... .because (with the exception of my ex) I started calling BS on people and drastically reducing my time spent w/ them or eliminating them.

I trained my kids "life's to short to play w/ nasty people", and it was pretty devestating to find out that their father, my exh, was one of those 'nasty people'... .

I saw a great quote: "It takes years, as a woman, to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for".

I personally have a ZERO tolerance for BS in my life now. I am closer to the grave than the cradle and I do NOT want to spend ONE MORE SECOND wasting it on or w/ abusive people... .

Oh... .this just came to mind.  My landlady is a bully and an abuser. (hey... .this is the world we live in, and I live in NJ... .so there is no shortage of people like this... .Many times I just have to deal with the situation at hand... .I cannot "bannish" everyone who is self-centered, etc.  That's a part of life.  I can take care of me though.

If my landlady says or does something abusive and I say that she is acting inappropriately, (she tries to control everything. What garbage I put out, what packages I have delivered... .etc... .etc... .), she will say... ."oh, I think you are being overly sensitive".  LOL!

That is trademark language from an abusive person... .it takes the focus off of their inappropriate action and attempts to put it on you.  Since therapy... .and BPD... .I can now identify such manipulations from aggressive, selfish people and assertively deal with them in my best interest. It doesn't mean that I have to go through life as a jerk... .but I CAN take care of myself.  My friend has a saying that I just love... .it stops these people in their tracks. "Please, do not mistake my kindness as weakness."   Love that. What a great tool in the face of a bully.  Bully's are actually afraid... .they always back down.   *)

Funny how this happens. I all the sudden found the same liberating quality in myself. No tolerance for BS. The second I see a woman trying to play a game, I walk. I don't care if she is BPD, non, whatever. Go find an idiot who will put up with it, I won't be that guy.

I had an epiphany today after I asked this question and read some of the responses  :) Very clear now,  thank you!