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I feel like such a fool and embarrassed to even post this. For the past 10 months I've been with my BPD. We just broke up. (well it seems ) of course he painted me black and dumped me by leaving me in a mall parking lot and driving away. Nice right?

You see, last summer this same ex and I were on and off. He got so upset at me one day tho he called the police on me and they called me and told me if I ever speak to him again I'd have a restraining order on me. I was shocked and appalled obviously and totally broken but tried to pick myself up and rebuild.


After a month of NC and letting that go, it became one of the best summers of my life. I was confident, re building myself, free, happy life was full of possibility and even dating a very nice ( normal ) guy.


Sadly, two weeks into dating this new person my ex of course ( cause you know they have radars?  ) starts poking his head about pretending like nothing happened wanting to see me.


Soon that turned into begging for me back, saying I'm only his true love. Here is the worst part. I fell for it. Fast forward to today 10 months later, I am exactly where I was last summer.


Alone, broken, dumped and used. The nice guy I left for my ex ( don't even make me go there on how much i regret )

never wants to see me again because I broke his heart and was foolish and has moved on.

And my ex BPD took my pet cat with him and refuses to give it back unless I give him sexual favors.


I feel like the dumbest and worst human being on the planet. I guess all I can do is pray is to get through this. Learn from my mistakes.


I'm very depressed and can't even imagine trying to trust another human being.


I warn everyone else that these people do not change. They will swallow your soul with no remorse.



I guess at least, " when you got nothing, you got nothing to lose? " idk. sigh.

Can anyone relate?

Hey there blackandblue!

It is so awful to feel that we have been misled, or did not see the red flags, or 100 other things that we expected and were looking forward to within our r/s with our SO, only to get brutally let down.   

I'm sure that many of us here have spent some time beating ourselves up over so many things in the r/s, sometimes going so far as to relive those thoughts for the sole purpose of beating ourselves up!

While I did not have distance from my SO and then reconnect, I can see that there could be sort of a potential for that from his side.  I am glad for that, that you have shared.  It does help remove that .1% burden from my mind... .helps me see how things could turn. I'll take every ounce of peace I can get.

I know that even though I am moving forward, there is still much pain that seeps out and I expect it to continue resurfacing.  I also know that the last month was excruciating.

I think an important thing I am learning and working on is what it means to care for myself.

It sounds like you may benefit from this as well blackandblue... .

Do you think that you could benefit from finding ways to be kind to yourself?  Even if only something little?

I had loads of compassion for him throughout the r/s... .somewhere throughout the years, compassion for myself began to go extinct.

Thank you for replying sunflower :) yes I believe I need to learn that skill very much, maybe we can grow together haha i think the first step for me is taking time away from the dating game and really figuring out what I want in a partner and how to feel whole on my own. Very long process to say the least! I hope I can somehow manage though.