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Ok, for the third time in 2 months, I said to my BF that I don’t want to stay in this unhealthy r/s. The triggering factor? He got so upset last Sunday night that he did one of his temper tantrums… and that was enough for me…

As I expected, he doesn’t want to give up saying that we will go to see the therapist we were supposed to see 2 weeks ago (yeah right, it’s about time…) and that we will work it out together.

How do you deal with a BP who doesn’t want to accept the break up? Do I need to lie and say that I don’t love him enough to go on?

What should I do?

I agree that I still have a very tiny little hope that he would commit in a therapy and that we will be happy together, but I am also very realistic because I know that he is in complete denial about his real problems and recently said he doesn’t believe in therapy….

Every time when my exBPD dumped me she came back to me after a while or did things to get my attention. At our last fight I just gave up I really didn't want to have her as a gf anymore. I started to see an another girl and I have told this to my exBPD, she became upset and gave a whole drama act. She still wanted to be my friend, you see they want to keep you as a trophy. Later I told her I don't want to see her anymore etc then she got upset and blocked me from FB. From there it was over because I blocked her from my life.

I really don't think the therapy will even work, my exBPD is in therapy too but it never helped her. Now the two of you are in a fight/break up well this is the time to go NC and tell him that it's over and block him from your life entirely!

Get rid of everything that reminds you of him, whenever you miss him just thing about the negative things he ever did. This really made everything so easy for me. To be honest I don't love her anymore, the only things I have for her are negative feelings. I know it sounds harsh but since she's history I really don't feel guilty about the fact that I really dislike her.

It's not going to be easy but it's time to move forward.

I understand where you are.

When I said to my exBF last week ok it's over I'm done we've tried hard enough and it's not working, I can't take it anymore, I think I did not even believe myself at that moment... .we've broken up and taken breaks many times before, and in my heart I still was hoping that things could work out, but it's like I had this lucidity moment where my reason finally took control and I realized when he left my house that I had lost the hope he's gonna change and that we can have a stable healthy r/s.

I think you need to give yourself some distance to see things clearly. Whenever we're around them and starting this breakup-getting back together round, it's like we're in the constant chaos and emotional roller coaster and we lose the ability to see things as they are... .the reality of it all and the non sense.

Thank you to both of you

I am very lucid right now. We are in the middle of the night, not sleeping, but with  very clear thoughts.

I will try (if he can have a short period of lucidity as it happens twice recently) to explain him that saving our couple at this time of our life is simply not realistic. He doesn't realize what incidences has the idea of going in therapy to try to save our couple. He doesn't realize what kind of efforts it will ask from him, how strong commitment it requires... .

Username, I have the chance to have a diary to refer myself to every time I will focused on good moments. This will definitely remind me of all I went through already.

Yolanda, I see that you are very close from my situation... .You officially broke up but it is still not completely over... .

Isa_lala I hope things get better for you... .it's not easy to make a decision to leave when we love someone. In my head it's clear that I'm done with this r/s. I do not ever want to feel like that again. In my heart there's still a lot of confusion and pain. Posting here and reading other people's stories helps a lot. 

Recycling takes two. Why did you go back the previous times?


Is this the answer?

We didn't really break up. I wanted to break up and during the discussion we had he became the man I love: normal and rational. And I believed that it was possible to have a normal relationship. I think I wanted to believe it was possible.

this time, he said that he will go to see a psychologist and seemed to be sincere. Will he go? no choice if he doesn't want me to leave.

wait and see... .

but you are kinda right, I think that when I will really be ready to break up, I will... .