BPDFamily.com

I have a BPD boyfriend,

Even he hurt me emotionally and physically for 3 monthes during which I always feel being in the hell.

But I love him so much and want to be with him forever

So I'm determined to help him to be happy everyday.

he is just a boyfriend and if there is physical violence move on!

sorry

Hi sooney2008,


It is truly a confusing condition causing us to love what hurts us. 

These relationships need strength and if you want to stay with him it is paramount that you

protect yourself - please take a look at If you are in a Domestic Violence (DV) situation (https://bpdfamily.com/discussions/search-info4.htm).


We all want our partners to be happy. The reality of BPD however is that we need to be careful as often what seems the straightest path to happiness is leading to hell. When we see our partner is sad we try to cheer him up, try to do something good. But that means our drive for happiness collides head on with our partners sadness direction. This clash of emotion is called invalidation and it makes our partners even more emotional and gets the closer to loosing control. Usually what is actually required is for us simply paying careful attention to our partners and acknowledging their pain and sadness. That enables them to feel less sad and a little be more happy. We can't make them feel good but we can support them helping themselves feeling less bad allowing thus for opportunities to feel normal or even good occasionally. Check out our workshops on validation in the LESSONS (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.0).

*welcome*,

a0