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So I had to speak with my ex today. I didn't want to but she cancelled a check for my Mexico trip out friend was trying to cash.

I paid her my share the day of our break up.

So my ex tells me she is sorry we didn't work out as lovers but she will always be here for me. She proceeds to tell me the universe has answered her prayers and she is madly in love with my replacement.   

She has never had a connection this deep and an attraction this physical and mental.

Yeah mental... .but I digress.

She proceeded to tell me this is the one she is going to marry and she hopes I find this happiness someday.

Then she asks me out for a beer if I can not be dramatic about it.

Three years of my life. I will be 40 this year wasted on this person. I am well aware all the    are there and this is the infatuation stage. Still this hurts. I mean she just called me the love of her life less than a month ago.

I know my life is much better off. It's just hard seeing my replacement having the summer I was going to.

  Pretty woman.

What a day you had. I am sorry that you had to go thru all of that.

And while your head knows that you are better off ( and hopefully it also knows this new relationship will self destruct too). It's really really hard for the heart to get in line.  It hurts.  Massively

 

Take care of you friend.  Keep posting here... .it helps to have people who actually understand.  What are you going to do to take care of you tonight?  You suffered a huge blow today... .be gentle with yourself!

Amu

PW,

Wow, borderlines truly have a gift for proving that they have a total lack of decency, respect, empathy, etc. when they address former partners. I am sorry that you went through all that.

When you get upset about the replacement, just think about all of the "love" the replacement will "madly" receive at some point. At least your ex got the "mad" part right.

Pretty Woman,

same here. My exuBPD+HPD gf told me she was extremely in love with her current replacement just after 1 week they were togheter (it was the beginning of February, 5 weeks after our break-up and 1 week after our last kisses... .).

This extreme idealization is just part of the BPD-cycle: probably happened to you, as well as to the vast majority of partners he had in the past (at least those with whom he had a substantial relationship).

Anyway, we are N/C since end February but recently I had some news from a friend of a friend who happened to work with her between April and May; she told me that for almost 2 months she came work very often DRUNK, constantly flirting with the manager and the customers and dressing sexy/provokatively in order to gain attentions from men.

Do you think that a person who's happy about her new job and boyfriend would behave like this?

This just to say that, given enough time, the idealization phase will-fade out (and thus the intense love) and they will start to devalue their current partner (in my case my ex seems dysregulating quite extremely, probably because of her BPD+HPD+alcohol issues combo). Usually it takes 3-6 months, but the mileage may vary depending on many factors.

Best thing is: go immediately N/C.

In the beginning is VERY hard but you'll realize it will give you enough space to logically reason about your past relationship (and thus heal). Also, you'll realize how much you were abused and devalued, and then understand that breaking N/C is non-sense.

Secondarily, N/C is the only possible way of gaining back their attention... .if you're interested in this.

So, N/C will make you suffer but is the only win/win tool you can use to your advantage.

Stay strong  

Well she followed it all up with me not being able to see our shared dog again.

That is heartbreaking for me. How they can be so cruel. If I have any emotion that coincides with her new love and not being elated she found her new "soulmate" I am crazy and need help.

Who does this?

Crazy people do this. I had the similar thing happen to me but my ex got married a week after we broke up. I didn't find out until 3 weeks after. During this time she was still messaging me that she loves me and one day we will end up together. I snooped on her bestfriend's Instagram profile to see that she was married. She didn't even like her own wedding pictures or accepted the tag in it so it wouldn't show on my feed... .Such a crafty individual.

You dodged a bullet.

Pretty woman: can you change your number? 

From my perspective, this must be one of the most commonly reoccurring themes on this board: pwBPD breaks up... .a replacement if found (often times someone who happens to be walking down the street at the time of breakup)... .pdBPD falls 'madly in love' in an incredibly (maybe embarrassing) short amount of time and is very public about the romance... .an announcement of marriage is made to the ex/non and the pwBPD insists how profoundly happy that they are.

Fast forward and at some point the wheels have fallen off of the romance... .the wedding is off... .then so is the romance. Then the phone calls begin... .

I don't think that I have heard about ANY replacement that worked out in the end. How can they? They meet someone and after 3 weeks know them well enough to agree to marriage? That's just preposterous not only because it is impossible to get to know someone well enough to judge their compatibility in that amount of time, but also because they just left a serious relationship of with which they have not yet had the time to process their detachment and heal. Add to this that they have a PD that has diminished the odds of a successful relationship to almost nil even if there was no recent relationship and breakup. The ending was written before the beginning... .lather, rinse, repeat.

I don't know if this gives comfort to know or not, but it least I hope that it provides validity that its NOT you.