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Title: Tomorrow for my ex-BPD Post by: WhatJustHappened? on June 19, 2015, 07:38:43 AM Well, it's been about 4 weeks (I think) of NC with my ex-BPD. Supposedly, her separated husband is coming back in town to discuss divorce and retrieve the rest of his belongings. My ex-BPD made it a big point to keep me in the loop on everything discussed between she and her separated husband. She said that it was important that I knew all communications to avoid any "you didn't tell me... ." on my part. But now I know better.
I didn't understand it until I realized what her strategy was - keep me agitated and in a state of 'unknown'. One of the giant red-flag was that she used me to take cheap shots at him. That told me a lot. It told me that things were not done between them. At this point, who knows what the real story is but I can't help but think that they will reconcile. I used to get a giant lump in my stomach about it but not-so-much now. As far as I'm concerned, he can have the "crazy". I just keep reviewing my list of "crazy" to keep me grounded. Title: Re: Tomorrow for my ex-BPD Post by: Mutt on June 19, 2015, 12:07:27 PM One of the giant red-flag was that she used me to take cheap shots at him. That told me a lot. It told me that things were not done between them. Hey WhatJustHappened, I can see how that raises alarm bells. Your ex, her STBX and you make a triangle. (https://bpdfamily.com/sites/all/themes/theme875/images/drama-triangle.png) BPD is a persecution complex or the perception of being persecuted and victimized. Her husband is in the position of Persecutor and she wanted rescue. You were Rescuer with taking cheap shots at him. My ex-BPD made it a big point to keep me in the loop on everything discussed between she and her separated husband. Why does she want to keep you in the loop with her divorce with her H? When we find ourselves in conflict with another person sometimes we include a third person because the tension is more comfortable shared with 3 people instead of 2. Title: Re: Tomorrow for my ex-BPD Post by: WhatJustHappened? on June 19, 2015, 12:28:02 PM Hey Mutt,
Actually I think most of keeping me in the loop about her husband was to keep me on the edge and guessing. But you could be right about having me as an extra set of ears. Title: Re: Tomorrow for my ex-BPD Post by: Mutt on June 19, 2015, 12:40:10 PM Hey Mutt, Actually I think most of keeping me in the loop about her husband was to keep me on the edge and guessing. But you could be right about having me as an extra set of ears. Hey WhatJustHappened, Were you waiting to hear from your ex that she was finally going to leave her husband? Title: Re: Tomorrow for my ex-BPD Post by: WhatJustHappened? on June 19, 2015, 02:26:44 PM No, I was told it was over but the words didn't match the actions. There was still quite a bit of conflict which told me there were still feelings. Then I got the, "all I know is what I want today" which to me, felt like a good way of changing her mind when needed.
Title: Re: Tomorrow for my ex-BPD Post by: Mutt on June 19, 2015, 02:42:47 PM I can understand how confusing it would be when someone is sending mixed signals.
No, I was told it was over but the words didn't match the actions. There was still quite a bit of conflict which told me there were still feelings. Then I got the, "all I know is what I want today" which to me, felt like a good way of changing her mind when needed. I get the impression you have good instincts WhatJustHappened, listen to your instincts. My ex-BPD made it a big point to keep me in the loop on everything discussed between she and her separated husband When things really go south with H she wants rescue. She wants you on stand-by. Title: Re: Tomorrow for my ex-BPD Post by: WhatJustHappened? on June 19, 2015, 05:00:14 PM Thanks Mutt. Too bad I didn't listen to them sooner. She's going to be in for a big surprise if she comes back my way.
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